Hand in my hand and we promised to never let go
by Gemmaaaaa
Summary: Anakin Skywalker was sent to build an elite Jedi team to help end the ten-year Clone Wars. Jedi Knight Naberrie trains hard to be selected and grows closer to the Jedi Master in the process. But with Jedi falling every day in battle, is it safe to follow your heart? Or will war take what's most precious to Padme?
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: So… This is the best story I have ever posted on here. Why? Because it's already finished! That's right, me, GEMMA, has completed a multi-chapter story before even publishing it. Miacles do exist. Anyway, a little background information:**_

 _ **This is, of course, an AU where Padme is a Jedi rather than a Senator. The Jedi Order actually does respect Anakin and his abilities although there is no 'chosen one'. He's just an amazing warrior. Anakin has also been promoted to the rank of Jedi Master in this story but Obi-wan has not. Everyone is just a little different because the Clone Wars have been going on for ten years and MANY Jedi have died fighting it.**_

 _ **Enjoy!**_

Padme didn't know what she expected when the crowd of recently Knighted Jedi crowded together on the landing pad, awaiting the descent of their new leader. Jedi Master Anakin Skywalker was famed across the galaxy for his heroic deeds and bravery in the ongoing Clone Wars. She'd seen him before on the holo-net and once or twice around the Jedi Temple, but Padme hadn't ever met the Jedi Master in person. The stories left enough of an impression to make her hands tremble with excitement by either side of her waist. Anakin had come to train them to be ready to fight in the war and rumour had it, to handpick new members to join his elite Jedi warrior team. So far it consisted of only himself and Obi-wan Kenobi, two of the best fighters in the Jedi Order. Their skill was legendary even outside of the Order – Dooku was said to fear it when Skywalker and Kenobi were called to action!

She stood straight and squared her shoulders as the Jedi Starfighter slowly lowered itself onto the pad and the glass casing rose high to allow the cloaked figure to stand. To the right, someone beyond Padme's eyes called out a greeting to the Jedi. "Good evening, Master Skywalker."

He shook his hood down and seemed to throw a comment over his shoulder to the R2 unit lodged inside the ship. Padme's breath quickened in her chest. She knew Master Skywalker was handsome – she'd seen him before after all – but there was something more. He was tall; Padme would have to crane her neck to meet his eyes, broad-shouldered with long golden curls reaching the back of his neck, adding a softness to his hard face. But it was the Jedi Master's eyes which truly caught the Knight's attention. Bluer than the Naboo sea, Master Skywalker's eyes were bright and full of life as he greeted the Padawan assistant who'd been selected to hand over information pertaining to the Knights to be trained. The boy trembled and grinned as Master Skywalker smiled his way, taking the holopad the boy held into his single gloved hand.

Master Skywalker took his time, greeting everyone who stood in the row slowly, reading the vital information laid out inside the holopad until he reached Padme, not bothering to meet her eyes as he scrolled through the data. "And you are?" He asked.

Padme raised her chin proudly. "Padme Naberrie, Sir."

"Right." He clicked his tongue. "You were best of your class… Skilled in hand to hand combat and with your lightsaber, those two don't usually come too naturally to someone so…" Slowly, his mouth twisted into the smallest hint of a smirk. "Small."

Padme bit back the huff that rose in her throat. She was a little below average, yes, but everyone made her out to be some kind of midget! Despite her small stature, she could take down a man three times her size and had proved it multiple times throughout her training. But _that_ was no doubt already in the information displayed on the screen. "I believe I've proved my skills enough to not have to defend them now."

Master Skywalker didn't miss a beat. "You haven't proven anything to _me_ , Knight Naberrie." Suddenly Padme was faced with his intense blue gaze and felt herself stiffen, trying not to look away. "But you will. All of you will." He turned away from her to address the Knights who made up the small crowd, "I want everyone on the training ground and ready to spar in ten standard minutes!"

* * *

Every joint in Padme's body ached. Master Skywalker drilled them all hard with endurance training and sparring until the last of the daylight had faded into night. What made it worse was knowing he intended to do the same thing in the morning. Before breakfast. She'd skipped on her dinner rations tonight, too tired to even _think_ about eating though she knew she'd regret it in the morning when it was time to train. The Jedi Master had watched them all tackle the assault courses with hooded, haughtily eyes, silent until someone tried to pause for a breath, ordering them to continue. Padme had been sure her legs were about to give out toward the end and dreaded hearing her name called by the man watching them with folded arms.

She'd heard Master Skywalker liked to train people hard… But she hadn't anticipated it would begin so intensely. Padme understood they had to be ready for the war, but he could have eased them into the new routine just a little! _All_ she wanted to do now was soak in the bath and collapse into bed. She was so distracted by imaginings of the warm water soothing her sore muscles that the Jedi didn't notice the Jedi Master round the corner until he said her name. "Knight Naberrie."

"Master Skywalker!" She bowed respectfully trying not to wince as her neck moved.

"You're not hungry?" He asked quietly and Padme shook her head.

"Not tonight. It's been a long day."

Skywalker nodded understandingly. "The first day of training is always the hardest. It might not get any easier, but you'll adapt."

Somehow, his words weren't very comforting to Padme and she forced a smile. "Yes, sir."

He seemed to sense her lack of belief and chuckled lowly, "I didn't believe my Master when he told me that either. But he was right… It just didn't feel like it at the time." Anakin's blue eyes trailed the length of Padme's body for a moment and she flushed. "You did well out there. I was impressed, Naberrie."

Despite the tiredness, Padme grinned, "Thank you! It means a lot to hear you say that." After a moment, she added a respectful, "sir."

Anakin smiled wider, "Don't thank me. Keep impressing me. We need good Jedi out there to push back the Separatists. I think you have the potential to be one of them." The Jedi Master excused himself after that, bowing his head slightly, though it was beneath his rank to do so for her. Padme watched him leave, stunned and felt a small tingle of heat inside her cheeks. He thought she had what it took to fight in the Clone Wars! He'd said it himself, Padme had the _potential_. Excited and more awake than before, the Jedi made her way to her quarters imagining her name printed into the Jedi Archives under the " _Skywalker Squad_ " title.

* * *

Time passed since Anakin's arrival and he trained them hard. He took part in sparring sessions and didn't hold back. More often than not the Knights would find themselves bashed against the hard floor of the Jedi temple or worse, _flung_ across the room by either the brute strength of the Jedi Master or his control over the Force. It took time, but she began to feel as though they were improving, living up to Skywalker's high standards as positive feedback became more common and harsh criticisms became rarer.

Obi-wan Kenobi joined them a few days after Anakin's return from the warfront and aided the Master in their training. He was gentler than Anakin but equally focused and quick to remind them of the realities of what awaited them when they faced deployment. They were a strong team, Skywalker and Kenobi, and slowly, Padme began to understand why people across the galaxy, young and old, breathed a sigh of relief when they heard the dynamic duo had been sent for an important mission. Obi-wan helped Padme with her lightsaber combat, teaching her how to twist her wrists to catch blaster bolts with the green plasma of her blade rather than simply avoid them as instinct dictated. He was a good teacher and she enjoyed learning from him.

The more she learned from the two men, the more ambitious Padme became to join them. Anakin had yet to announce any new members to join the elusive team he was reportedly building. He hadn't mentioned it at all. Part of her wondered if it were actually true, but she _saw_ how he watched them train, how his deep blue eyes followed their every movement, monitored their reactions and judged their responses. He was measuring them against one another, she could tell.

So she strove to be better. Her parries became quicker and measured her leaps higher and her skills sharper. Her body hardened with slight muscle tone as their training went on and soon she was able to take down more than half of her fellow Knights in one session. But she wasn't alone. Other students had caught on too, desiring what she desired and strove to outshine one another. Padme wasn't deterred. She trained harder, ran faster and hoped beyond hope her efforts were noticed.

* * *

The Knights were doing well – extremely well – even by Anakin's high standards. In the first days of training, it'd been difficult to hide his disappointment at the shape of the up and coming warriors gearing up to join the war effort, however, slowly but surely, they were coming together and getting better. Jedi died in the hundreds every single day out there. Anakin needed these Knights to be strong and resilient or else they may as well throw their lives away now. He'd watched too many of his comrades die on the battlefield to _not_ be tough on the Knights. He wanted them to _live._ He wanted them to help end this war once and for all so the Chancellor could bring peace to the galaxy again. Too many innocent people had died for all this to be for nothing. The Republic wouldn't lose. It _couldn't._

Aayla Secura was sharp and agile and used every advantage to take down her opponents in training. He had no doubts the same would happen in a real fight. Kit Fisto's skills were growing stronger every single day that passed and Ahsoka Tano was lively and eager. She had a ways to go, but Anakin saw much of himself in her young eyes and felt her potential shine through. That made four members of his battle squad. He'd agreed to take on five to appease Master Yoda but though the Knights were improving, it was still slim pickings after his three choices thus far.

There was Padme Naberrie. She was beyond skilled, eager and ready to learn. She worked harder than every other Knight put together but she was proud. Prouder than even Anakin himself could be. He appreciated the similarities in their personalities but it worried him much the same. Proud people acted rashly, they thought with their emotions rather than their head. Anakin's cybernetic hand clenched into a fist, the mechanical joints _whirling_ softly with the motion to remind of this lesson. He could still hear his Master's voice calling for him, demanding that he stop as he'd charged at Dooku and been sliced at the elbow joint for it.

He didn't want that for Padme.

The protective feeling he felt toward her was strange and new and Anakin worked hard not to show it whenever they trained. He'd watched the butt of Quinlan Vos' lightsaber smack into the back of her slim neck and winced as she buckled at the pain with a cry. A foreign, new part of the Jedi Master roared to life and demanded that he push the Knight away from her, but the faint echoes of the death screams of his friends kept Anakin still. _She had to learn. She'd die out there if she didn't know how to defend herself._

He sensed Obi-wan's approach before he heard him and crossed his arms over his chest. "They're really coming along, aren't they?" The other man asked cheerily, stroking his beard as the Knights sparred before them. "Have you thought about the last member yet?"

Anakin nodded narrowing his eyes as he watched Padme swing her legs around Kit's neck and pull him to the ground, somehow making the difficult manoeuvre seem _easy_ and graceful. Her long hair sung around the pair as they fell, somewhat obscuring his view of their match. If it were anyone else, he'd request she'd cut it or at least keep it up and out of the way, but secretly, he enjoyed the way it flowed around her like some chocolate waterfall. It always looked so soft… The new secret part of himself longed to stroke his fingers through it.

"Padme Naberrie is skilled enough I think. She makes taking down Kit look easy."

The pair struggled for dominance on the floor and Kit raised a fist to Padme's pretty face, making Anakin bare his teeth. "That was too rough! What's he thinking?" He was unreasonably irritated and battled the urge to storm onto the floor and return the favour to the Knight. It was part of training he told himself. _She had to learn._ But that didn't make it any easier to watch. His fingers dug into his arms through his cloak, just barely keeping from wielding the Force to send the green being across the room. He felt Obi-wan's gaze on his face and sighed. "Yes?"

"Nothing… Just…" The other Jedi began, "Mind your feelings, Anakin. Remember we have a mission to complete."

Anakin's head snapped around to face the other man. "I _know_ the mission, Obi-wan. Remember your place."

"Of course." The man sighed and returned his gaze to the Knights.

* * *

Three and a half weeks of training seemed to fly past Padme's attention. It all happened so quickly. Master Yoda requested that Anakin and a selected group of Knights provide reinforcements to Master Mundi on Kashyyyk. She hadn't expected to be picked, but _Force,_ she wanted it. So when her name was called by Kenobi along with ten others including Ahsoka Tano, Kit Fisto and Aayla Secura, she was thrilled beyond hiding. They were called into one of the small lower meeting bunkers inside the Temple where the battle holos could be projected high into the rounded ceiling and the strategy shared clearly for everybody to understand.

She took notes on her datapad furiously, trying to remember every detail Master Skywalker said. This was important. It was crucial that she knew her place. This was a chance to prove herself to Master Skywalker! She was a good Jedi and she wanted him to know she could be a good soldier too. He still hadn't made any official announcements regarding the team he was building and Padme suspected it may come after their return.

Some of the Knights coming with them had already seen battles themselves and Padme eagerly listened to their chattering as they filed into the ship. Despite her desperation to be picked, she was nervous about this… She wasn't like some of the others; the only battle experience she had was helping her former Master Shaak Ti quell a political uprising in the mid-rim when she was a teenager. All that had taken was the hum of their lightsabers and the few rebels surrendered. It had hardly prepared her for a real battle.

"Is this your first time out?" Kit asked her once the ship blasted itself into hyperspace, causing Padme's already nervous stomach to lurch dangerously. Not trusting herself to speak, she nodded quietly, not meeting the man's eye. "I see. Well, I'll give you some advice that I wish someone had given me before my first time out with Master Yoda. The moment you see the battlefield and you're surrounded by blaster bolts at every angle and soldiers and Jedi are dying all around you… You will forget everything you've never been taught. Every moment of training will fail you. But push on. Force yourself to move and keep your wits about you. Trust in the Force to guide you."

She'd heard stories of fresh-faced Knights who'd been sent into battle immediately after their Knighting ceremony shot down on their first day. The shock of it all was too much for some people and they froze, just like Kit said. Padme wouldn't be one of those people, she _couldn't_. But she _was_ afraid of what awaited them out there… Jedi Masters had been killed by the dozen in this war! Someone would have to be mad to be unafraid. The Jedi's dark gaze wondered to Master Skywalker who spoke quietly with the holo of Master Mundi in the centre of the bridge. He wasn't afraid. Master Skywalker was never afraid, that's what people said. _'The Hero with no Fear_ ' that's what the holonet had affectionately dubbed him and she wondered for a moment whether they were right. To be afraid _is_ to be brave, that's what her Master had always said… Master Skywalker was certainly brave, that much was undeniable…

"Thank you." She forced herself to answer Kit. "But I'll be fine."

As if sensing her eyes on him, Master Skywalker's blue hues flicked upwards, catching Padme's eye. Oblivious, Master Mundi continued on with their meeting, but it didn't seem like Anakin was listening anymore. After a few moments, his full lips turned up at the corner, offering her a sleepy half-smile that was enough to make her forget her nerves for a moment. Padme felt herself inhale and smiled back before tearing her eyes away from his. What was she doing? She was his subordinate! She wasn't supposed to be gawking at him and distracting him from important pre-battle meetings. Still, she dared to glance back toward the Jedi Master a few seconds later and felt her teeth sink into the pillow of her lip. He wasn't looking at her anymore but that didn't make the strange butterflies in Padme's stomach lessen.

They had nine standard hours before landing in Kashyyyk and some Knights spent the time forcing themselves to rest in the bunk beds further into the ship, others sat tensely strapped into their chairs, trembling and letting their minds wander to the worst scenarios. Padme was too restless to sleep and too afraid to let her mind wander, so she walked through the ship, smiling at Ahsoka Tano as she passed the girl cleaning her lightsaber up. She liked Ahsoka, she was fiery and passionate about being a Jedi in ways she could relate to. It seemed Master Skywalker liked her too, the pair spent a lot of time together apparently but Padme didn't begrudge either of them a friendship. Force knew that people needed friends in this galaxy. She'd overheard Anakin calling Ahsoka ' _Snips_ ' more than once while they trained and had witnessed first-hand his offence at the nickname of ' _Skyguy'._ It reminded Padme of the relationship an older brother may have with a young sibling.

She walked through the ship watching the stars stretch across the stars behind every pane of transparisteel until the unmistakable whirling of tools caught her attention. The mechanical droids working on the upkeep of the ship and its weapons were several levels downstairs, so it couldn't be them. Curious, she followed the direction of the sounds until she found an open door and tipped her head to peek inside.

Master Skywalker was there, hunched over a bench littered with droid pieces, screws and tools and Padme watched, interested as he welded parts together seamlessly. What was he doing? Unable to help herself, she cleared her throat and the Jedi Master paused his efforts to turn around. "Master Skywalker." Padme bowed respectfully. "What are you doing?"

He could easily bark at her to leave him alone, she was forgetting her place by asking him such a thing. What he did in his private time was his own business after all. But he smiled for a moment, chuckling under his breath, almost _embarrassed_ apparently. "I, uh." Her eyes were drawn to the _bob_ of his throat as he swallowed. "The droid was broken… I like fixing things. It helps clear my mind."

Padme nodded and felt herself smile. What an odd little quirk for a Jedi Master to have. "Of course. I think everyone has something that takes some stress away." She stepped further into the room and let her fingertips dance across the table. The droid was a protocol design apparently; she'd seen enough of them in her time to recognise its look.

"What's yours?" Anakin asked quietly.

She thought about it for a moment. "I like to read. I've smuggled countless books into the temple – but I probably shouldn't have told you that!" Nervous laughter fell from her lips and she let the Jedi Master's eyes, relieved to see them sparking with amusement.

"Well, you know, I probably should pass your name on to Master Windu for contraband, Knight Naberrie." His deep blue eyes glittered with humour and Padme felt her smile grow into something more similar to a grin. "He'd have you scrubbing the Temple bathrooms for a month… _Believe me."_

"You sound like you're talking from experience!" She laughed at the image of the Hero with no Fear being punished by the infamously irritated Master Windu.

"I am." He looked away for a moment, lowering his gaze to broken droid sprawled across the workbench. "I've been on the bad side of Master Windu more times than I can count… It's not the most fun place to be sometimes." The amusement was still there only dulled slightly with what Padme assumed were painful memories of punishments. "When I was eleven years old, I wanted a day off from training to play in the docking bay and when, _of course,_ my request was rejected, I felt inclined to tell Master Windu that the shine on his head was brighter than the Tatooine suns."

Padme threw back her head as she laughed, picturing the stoic Jedi's face upon hearing such a thing from a _youngling_ of all people. When she calmed down enough to speak, she lifted a hand to wipe away at the tear that had spilled from her eye. "I suppose that was when you experienced fresher cleaning?"

Anakin shuddered and shook his head. "That and kitchen duty. For two months."

"That's a long time for a youngling to be punished. Didn't Master Qui-gon say anything?"

He smiled ruefully for a moment, lowering his eyes again. "When he stopped laughing, yeah. But I was a little shit who probably deserved it."

"Probably?" Padme cocked her hip and watched him shake his head.

" _Definitely_." He amended after a moment, meeting her eyes again.

The butterflies were back and this time with a vengeance. Padme couldn't stop glancing at his lips… His full, kissable lips… _Stop that!_ This wasn't appropriate. He was a Jedi Master, not someone to be ogled! She had to stop this. It was ridiculous and disrespectful. Master Skywalker was here to help them become great warriors to save the Republic, nothing more. Padme couldn't have romantic thoughts about him. It wasn't allowed. Well, it _was_ … It'd been, what, fifteen years since the Jedi Code had been rewritten to allow romantic attachments? But that didn't mean she was allowed to develop a silly crush on her General!

But he _was_ handsome… He was by far the most attractive man Padme had ever seen. His tanned skin and matching sandy blonde curls were a striking contrast to the ocean-blue of his eyes. And his strong body didn't hurt either. Sometimes her mind would wander to the memory of him training without his tunic and tabard on and whatever she was _supposed_ to be thinking about would be gone…

 _Stop!_

Embarrassed, Padme pursed her lips and tore her gaze away from the General before her. "I should probably rest before we land…" She didn't give him time to speak to agree or disagree before turning on her heel and marching out of the open doorway as though battle droids were after her.

* * *

She got her first taste of battle less than ten minutes after their ship landed and the docking platform lowered.

Everyone was broken into smaller teams to keep the battle strategy in place. They were spread out and mingled with the Clone soldiers and Knights who'd accompanied Master Mundi into battle. Padme grit her teeth when she realised she'd been assigned to stay with Master Skywalker, Kit Fisto, Aayla Secura, Obi-wan Kenobi and Ahsoka Tano. They _were_ being considered for his team, she knew it. Now she had to prove herself worthy. She easily pushed aside all the silly thoughts of crushes and attractiveness to focus on the mission. That was all that mattered for now. The mission. It was something Anakin drove into their heads in every training session. Everything else came after the mission.

Blaster bolts flew everywhere, hitting Jedi Knights and Clone troopers alike and Padme froze just as Kit had warned. She'd never watched a person _die_ before and the pained screams rang in her ears as the team lingered behind large boulders, counting down the moments until they sprung their attack. To her left, General Skywalker signalled to Commander Rex with two fingers in a motion she didn't recognise from training. The Clone Commander understood well enough, however, and a moment later his blaster rose with a battle cry and he leapt out from their hiding spot followed by the others. Master Skywalker turned to them with a sly smirk that, eyes dancing with adrenaline and excitement.

"Follow me."

She didn't realise she was moving until her trembling fingers pushed the switch to unleash her lightsaber and then they were surrounded by battle droids and the shots of blasters and there was _nothing_ on her mind other than slashing them to pieces. People fell all around her but General Skywalker kept on, never looking back. She could hear the cries of the injured and grit her teeth, willing herself to follow her orders. They were to take down this base and that was what they had to do.

Focus on the mission.

Padme cut through droids using her lightsaber and the Force, terrified and full of an energy she'd never felt before now. With every collision of her lightsaber against the droids, she released a cry of half terror half focus. Up ahead, Master Skywalker eliminated the droids he faced with an aweing speed. He was fast! He leapt high into the air and cleared ten droids out of the way with the Force alone while Padme watched, grip tightening on her own lightsaber. It was incredible to finally see Anakin Skywalker in action.

The fight didn't last very long. Before she knew it, the surviving members of both General Skywalker and General Mundi's teams had scaled the wall of the base and made their way inside. There was no sign of any non-droid inhabitants and they were taken care of quickly enough. Specialised drives were installed into the monitors to collect the information stored and Padme leant back against the wall with her eyes closed trying to gather her breath. They'd lost twelve Knights in the battle outside and Force only knew how many Clones. So many _lives_ lost… How was she supposed to do this again and again? How was watching people she knew die supposed to get any easier?

When she opened her eyes again, Master Skywalker made his way toward her with a small nod. "Are you alright?"

It took great focus not to roll her eyes. _How_ could she possibly be alright? But it wasn't his fault; it wasn't _anyone's_ fault but their enemies who created this situation. She couldn't take out her grief and anger on Anakin, it wasn't fair. "How many were injured?" She whispered, afraid to hear the answer.

Anakin sighed. "Seven. They're being carried back to the ship for treatment right now."

"Does it ever get any better?" She whispered and clenched her eyes shut tight against the memories.

He didn't answer right away and Padme sensed his eyes on her face for a long moment before his hand came to rest on her shoulder, squeezing tightly. "You did good, Padme. Better than most do on their first time out."

* * *

They returned to the Jedi Temple on Coruscant and scattered. Anakin and Obi-wan vanished in the direction of the Council Chambers with Master Mundi while the Knights trudged their tired bodies back to their quarters for rest and meditation. Padme was one of them. She wanted a long bath and a longer sleep. Her bones ached and her head pounded. She'd gotten out of the fight unwounded but others weren't so lucky. A girl she'd known her whole life, Barris, was carted straight to the med-ward and she made a note to visit her after a sleep.

The moment the door to her small quarters slid closed behind her, Padme collapsed onto her bed with a sigh. She'd _never_ been so tired in her whole life. Her eyes fell closed for a moment before the screams filled her head again. Her eyes clenched and she buried her face deeper into the pillow to find piece but she couldn't escape them. Tears welled behind her eyelids and she didn't have the energy to fight them. She cried until the relief of unconsciousness made the world fade to black.

A knocking at the door pulled the Jedi Knight from her sleep and she sat up with a groan. She felt groggy and disorientated. Her eyes glanced at the chrono hung on the wall and widened in panic. She'd been asleep for ten hours! Master Skywalker _would_ probably send her to Windu now! Another knock rapped against the door and she braced herself, slipping off the bed padding across the limited space of the bedroom to answer.

Her slim fingers pressed down onto the receiver and the door pulled open to reveal the General of the 501st battalion himself, making Padme's breath catch in her throat. Anakin had come here himself? Force, she really was in for it, wasn't she?

"Master!" She gasped and forced her stiff body into a bow. "What – what're you doing here?"

"I wanted to give you something." He declared and Padme frowned without thinking. Give her something? What could he possibly have to give _her?_ He pulled a rolled up document from inside his cloak and held it out with a gloved hand, making her confused frown deepen. What could be so important that it had to be placed on a piece of flimsi to give to her? She carefully took and unrolled the paper, eyes widening to see the crest of the Jedi printed at the top.

"Wait, this is…"

"Yes." Anakin nodded. "You probably heard Master Yoda asked me to put together a team of Jedi I think are talented enough to take on special missions. This is an official invitation to join." The cold temple floor seemed to vanish beneath Padme's feet and she suddenly wished to sit down. So it _was_ all true! He was putting a team together and… And he wanted her. She'd proven her skills enough that Master Skywalker had personally selected _her_! She looked back up at Anakin in disbelief. It couldn't be real – it couldn't… Could it? Her eyes lowered back down to the document once more and she read it a little more thoroughly. Hers wasn't the only name on there. Beneath the Jedi crest were the names of her fellow Knights, Obi-wan Kenobi, Ahsoka Tano, Kit Fisto, Aayla Secura and Padme Naberrie.

"You want me?" Padme whispered, tracing her fingers across the inky print of her name and heard Anakin clear his throat awkwardly.

"On the team, yes." He tugged on his black tabard to readjust it as she took a long, calming breath. After another few seconds, Anakin took the paper back from her hands and re-rolled it before tucking it back inside his cloak. "That is if you want to join?"

Padme couldn't contain her smile as the news truly begun to sink into her head. She'd been picked! She was good enough for a team – _his_ team. "Yes!" She laughed just barely resisting the sudden urge to throw her arms around his neck in excitement. "Yes, of course! Thank you, Master Skywalker. I won't let you down!"

Anakin smiled widely just like he had on the way to Kashyyyk and she felt the butterflies again. "I don't doubt it."

 _ **Please review! The more reviews this receives, the faster I'll upload the next part. Believe me, you want the next part ;)**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**A/N: So, originally I planned to update this story once a week, but the amazing reviews you all left on the first chapter made me too excited to hold this back. Enjoy!**_

"No, no, no! Hang on!" A Knight she'd trained with for years coughed up blood as he quaked in Padme's arms. The medic clones would be here soon, he just had to hold on just a little longer and then he would be alright. Bolla Ropal had been in all training classes since they were younglings; they'd played together and learned together. He'd helped Padme understand the mechanics of creating her own lightsaber when the task had seemed a little _too_ daunting. He didn't deserve to die on the ground of a blaster wound. He was better than this! She wasn't going to let him go. While she comforted her friend, Ahsoka took out the surrounding battle droids with a cry at the effort. They fell apart with droning cries of _"Rodger… Rodger…"_

 _Where the hell were the medics_? She'd commed for them over ten minutes ago, they should be here! The practical side of the Jedi understood that there were many injured people to take care of and that they couldn't simply pass them to get to Bolla, but she was upset and her emotions were getting the best of her. She did her best to push past the panic and comfort her friend as best she could. There was nothing worse than the _useless_ feeling that came with watching a comrade in pain and suffering and being unable to do _nothing_ to help. Her teary eyes looked up again for any sign of the medics and whimpered when there was none. "Hey, hey…" She murmured when Bolla coughed more blood. "It's going to be okay, I promise."

Padme's lips trembled when Bolla's green eyelids flickered shut and his body went limp. _No no no. Please no._

"I'm sorry Padme." She looked up to see Ahsoka standing over her shaking her head. "I think he's gone." The younger girl placed her hand on her shoulder and it took everything she had not to let the tears fall. She felt for Bolla's pulse and sniffled when it no longer beat beneath her fingertips. Ahsoka was right.

Though it was the very last thing she wanted, Padme carefully released Bolla's body from her arms and climbed to her feet with Ahsoka's help. They had to move on… The medics would arrive eventually to take him away. Her fingers swiped at her cheeks to wipe away the tears that stained her cheeks. Bolla wouldn't want her to be upset on the battlefield… That wasn't smart. He was pragmatic, even more so than Padme, and she wanted to honour that memory.

"You did everything you could." Ahsoka rubbed her palm comfortingly against Padme's back and she nodded.

"I just wish…" Her throat tightened against her will and she didn't risk speaking another word.

"I know." The younger girl cooed.

A few hours later, when a campfire had been lit and the specialised team picked by Master Skywalker sat with the other Knights who'd accompanied them on this mission forcing themselves to eat and drink what rations had been handed out amongst everyone, Padme slipped away, walking through the large, leafy trees to steal a moment for herself. The immediate danger was over for now and the grief washed over her like an ocean wave. _Oh, Bolla_ … She wished she could have saved him! If she'd just moved a little faster then her lightsaber could have blocked the blaster bolt before it connected with his throat. But she _wasn't_ fast enough and it wasn't fair. Bolla was a good person! How could he… _How_ could he be so ruthlessly killed when truly terrible people like Count Dooku were still alive and well? The Force worked in strange ways indeed; she thought bitterly, leaning a shoulder against the nearest tree as the tears fell onto her cheeks uninterrupted.

* * *

Anakin found her braced against a tree, quietly sobbing into the night air. Her back was facing him so he couldn't see the tears on her cheeks but he sensed the grief she felt. It poured out of her Force signature in waves. The emotion washed over the General as strongly as if it were his own. But then, Anakin was no stranger to grief and regret. "Padme." He said her name quietly, unwilling to startle her and cause further distress.

She glanced over her shoulder after jumping a little and then quickly wiped away the evidence of her sadness from her cheeks. "Master Skywalker." Her voice was shaky and uneven, a sure sign that she'd been crying. Anakin walked closer, confident that they were alone and reached out to touch her shoulder briefly.

"It's not easy losing a comrade." He admitted quietly, "It's not something you ever get used to. But he didn't die for nothing, Padme. Capturing Oro Dassyne could turn the tide of this war… Questioning him could give us the information we need to end this once and for all." It might not be as easy as that, but having the Separatist bastard in custody was one step closer to peace for the galaxy. The fallen Knights and clone troopers could rest knowing their sacrifices hadn't been in vain.

"I know." Padme nodded but didn't meet his eyes. "But it doesn't make me feel much better."

He remembered a time years ago when he'd had a similar conversation with Qui-gon. His Master's words had been a cold comfort then and he supposed his own were now. It was a terrible cycle. He also remembered the splash of the hard reality Qui-gon had thrown in his face too and swallowed the bitter taste of the lesson in his mouth. It was something every Jedi had to hear while the war raged on. "We're Jedi, Padme. We fight the battles so innocent people don't have to. Battles have consequences… We're going to lose people we care about – that's inevitable. But we can't let the grief of those losses rule us… If we do… We're _lost_."

Another tear slipped down her pretty milk-white cheek and Anakin's hands clenched into fists to avoid brushing it away.

"You're right." She whispered quietly. "That doesn't make it any easier."

Her eyes still didn't meet his and Anakin sighed. "I know."

* * *

"What's on your mind?" Kenobi asked him later that night while everyone else slept around them. Anakin knew he should rest, but he didn't dare sleep after today… Everything was too fresh. The blood, the fear, the _death_. It replayed over and over again in his mind; he didn't need to torment himself further by dreaming of it too. He didn't sleep well as it was. It was best to just avoid it altogether for now. Obi-wan's question took a moment to register in the Jedi's tired mind and then a few more afterwards to make an answer.

"It's just… Do you ever wonder if all the death is worth it?" He asked quietly, eyes trained upon the glittering stars above their heads. The sky looked so peaceful and still that sometimes it was difficult to believe a war was being fought across it. Sometimes it was nicer to forget all about it.

"I think everybody has had those thoughts at least once," Obi-wan admitted and followed Anakin's gaze for a moment. "Everyone knows what they risk by going into battle and yet we do it. The galaxy would be lost if the Republic falls, Anakin."

He nodded dispassionately still watching the stars. "What if this war turns us into something we're not, Obi-wan?"

The older man blinked slowly, watching the Jedi Master's thoughts flash across his face. "What is it? I sense turmoil within you."

Anakin sighed and finally looked away from the night sky to meet the eyes of his friend. "I can feel myself growing colder… Harder…" His breath trembled as it fled his mouth. "I – we've all killed… We all have blood on our hands. What does that make us? How are we any better than them?"

It took Obi-wan several moments to gather together an answer. "We fight for the good of the galaxy. That's the difference."

"Hm."

The men were quiet for a few minutes as the fire grew weaker before them and the night sky slowly melted into the first stirrings of dawn but neither moved to lay down or interrupt the silence that had fallen between them until Obi-wan sighed loudly, attracting Anakin's gaze. "I saw you walk after Padme earlier."

He didn't flinch. "She was upset."

"And you comforted her?"

"I…" Anakin began and then cut himself off. No. That was the answer; he hadn't comforted her though he wanted to. He wanted to put his arms around her and hold her whispering promises that everything would be okay eventually until her tears dried and the despair faded. But he _hadn't_. Because he had to be stronger than that… It was his job to lead his battalion and his team and give them every tool and skill they needed to survive this war. He wasn't supposed to give comfort no matter how badly it ached to deny it. "No." He admitted eventually.

"But you wanted to?" Obi-wan asked and Anakin grit his teeth. What he wanted was irrelevant. It didn't matter. "Was selecting her for the team a mistake, Anakin?"

The Jedi Master frowned at the older man. "Have you seen her fight?" He gestured toward where Padme slept obliviously on the other side of the fire. "Her skills are unquestionable. She's good… One of the best. That's who Master Yoda asked me to find."

"She _is_ good, that's undoubtable."

"So what's your point?" Anakin sighed.

"I think you're very devoted to your team, Anakin. And your soldiers. It's admirable. But…"

"But?"

"I've seen it, the way you look at her sometimes. Jedi are allowed to have romantic attachments, yes, but allowing yourself to grow fond of someone in the team is dangerous. It could be a distraction."

Anakin narrowed his eyes at Obi-wan irritated beyond rationality and huffed a provoked sigh. "I don't feel anything for her. Not like that."

* * *

"How long until the pickup?" Padme asked, stifling a yawn as her back eased against the giant grey boulder concealing their bodies from the base. They'd been sent by Master Yoda for intel collection on a potential Separatist base. They'd been scouting the area for hours, logging every potential piece of useful information into their holopads for later investigations. So far _nothing_ had truly happened. No sign of battle droids, no arrivals of known Separatist ships or persons. _Nothing._

Anakin eased himself back down beside her after peering over the edge of the rock for a moment. "Around three hours." She sighed and slumped further against the stone making him chuckle quietly. "Bored?"

" _Yes._ Nothing is happening."

Anakin laughed louder and stretched his arms high over his head with a contented groan sending a wave of warmth through Padme's cheeks. "Welcome to the elite team, Padme. We get to do the jobs no one else can."

"Or wants to." She added bitterly.

Bored, she moved up, onto her knees and glanced at the building again. _Nothing._ "Can't we comm them to come a little early? We're clearly just wasting our time here."

"Master Yoda requested we watch for at least eight hours. Obi-wan won't be here with the others until that time is up unless there's an emergency."

Padme huffed and crossed her arms over her chest. This was not at all how she pictured missions on the elite team… She felt like she'd been here for _years_ rather than just hours. Night was beginning to fall around them and the temperature was dropping with it. A shiver ran through Padme and she suddenly wished she'd brought her cloak along like Anakin had. They were quiet as her arms wrapped around herself tightly to fend off the growing cold, the base down the hill slipping from their minds under the weight of boredom.

Eventually, Padme needed a distraction from the cold. "What – what are you thinking about?" She shivered through gritted teeth. She'd never been very good at handling the cold, too used to the climate-controlled Coruscant and her warm cloak. _Why_ didn't she bring it? He watched her for a moment, blue eyes trailing over her face before shifting and tugging the end of his cloak out from beneath him and wrapping his arm along with the extra material around her shoulders tightly. He pulled her close, pressing their bodies together so quickly that she barely had time to gasp before it happened. "What are you doing?"

"You're freezing, Padme." He said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Yes, but –"

"I don't want you getting sick. The team needs you in the best condition."

After a moment, she settled against him, embracing the warmth of his body against hers. He was right, after all, if she got sick, she'd be out of commission for at _least_ a week and the team would be a member down. This was better. It was fine. Nothing wrong with teammates sharing body heat instead of freezing to death. That was the only reason she was allowing this… Though Padme had to admit, it was _nice_ to feel Anakin's hard, warm body against hers. Seeking more warmth, she edged closer to him, wrapping an arm around his chest to rest on his shoulder.

"Anakin?"

"Yeah?"

"Tell me something. Anything."

He was quiet for a moment before nodding. "I got the droid up and running… He's all wires and sockets for now, but once I get some proper plating he'll be brand new again. Don't know what'll happen afterwards though, there isn't much need for a protocol droid in the temple."

Padme smiled against his shoulder without realising. "I imagine the Council might enjoy his services at their meetings."

Anakin barked out a laugh and leant his head back against the bolder. "I don't know… I think I might have programmed him wrong. He's… Spirted."

"Spirited?" She repeated, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, uh, he gets stressed… Real easy. He's fussy too – he and Artoo are _constantly_ bickering. I'm thinking I need to tone him down just a little." Without thinking about it, Padme laughed into his warm cloak and used her free hand to cover her mouth. He programmed a protocol droid to have the personality of a fussy elderly woman! When she voiced this, Anakin groaned and shook his head. "That's it; he's _definitely_ getting a tune-up."

"No!" She laughed harder. "You can't. He is who he is, you can't change that."

He pouted like a child and Padme fell into a fit of laughter again. How could such a celebrated warrior who took down battle droids with expert precision be so… So, well, _cute_? There they were again, the butterflies. They'd been filling her stomach more and more since she joined the team and they spent more time together. It wasn't good. She thought she was better than this… Developing feelings for a Jedi Master was bad enough, but one who led the elite team she was a member of? It was asking for trouble. And yet… And yet, strangely, part of Padme didn't care.

"I sent a letter to my family recently. Well, to my mother really." She blurted out. "I've always had the address but I've never been brave enough to reach out before." Why was she telling him this? Truthfully, it was nice to voice her thoughts on the subject. There weren't many people she could talk to about it, most Jedi never reached out to the families who'd given them up into the Order. Padme didn't begrudge her family for that decision – she was _meant_ to be a Jedi – but she'd never been sure if she wanted to know them. It was only recently, after Bolla's death where she'd decided to write to them. If she was to die fighting this war, she didn't want to die with any regrets.

Anakin didn't ask why she'd written but Padme supposed he could guess. He'd been fighting this war longer than she had after all. "Did you hear back?"

She nodded stiffly. "They want to meet me. They're either going to come to Coruscant or I'll use my off days to go to Naboo for them… It's a little overwhelming." Unsure what else to say about it, Padme took a breath and let her curiosity get the better of her. "Do you write to anyone, Master? Family maybe?"

His body stiffened against hers for a moment before easing again. Padme couldn't see his face but she guessed her question made him flinch. "No. My mother died before the war started."

"I'm sorry," Padme whispered and hesitated for a moment before her next question. She didn't want to push him but there were so many questions about him that nobody could seem to answer. "What about your father?" She half expected him to tense against her once more but he didn't.

"Don't have one." He muttered eventually and her heart ached for him. She knew he'd come to the Order older than most children, nine or ten years old if she remembered correctly, that was old enough to have formed a connection with his mother… To have lost her with no father to lean on…

She wanted to apologise again but thought better of it. Something told her he wouldn't appreciate the sympathy. Instead, she pressed on with her questions. "What about a loved one? A special person outside the Order. Is there someone waiting for you?" Padme had never seen the Jedi Master with a woman before outside of missions or meetings in the temple. Maybe there was someone special who'd caught his eye and he'd kept it to himself. Anakin wasn't short on admirers after all… The holonet was mad for him and he had an army of women _desperate_ for a chance to capture his attention. Or maybe it was a man? Padme had never noticed him pay much attention to either sex if she were honest.

He laughed at her question this time and Padme felt a little silly for the immature relief that washed over her. "No. No one like that."

"Shame." She said quietly, "Well what do you do for fun? Everyone has something. Obi-wan likes to play the sabacc tables every now and again. Aayla watches droid racing, Ahsoka and Barris sneak off to do Force knows what and we all know Kit spends every free moment he has in the water. What's your idea of fun?"

"I fly." He admitted quietly.

"Flying and fixing things? You have interesting hobbies, General."

He chuckled against her and sighed. "What's _your_ idea of fun, then?"

Padme thought about it for a few moments. What _did_ she do for fun? Eventually, she felt her cheeks heat with embarrassment as the answer fell from her lips. "I… I like holonet soap operas."

Anakin threw back his head and laughed making her cheeks flush redder. It wasn't the most exciting hobby in the galaxy, she knew that, but it wasn't _that_ bad. It was nice sometimes to get caught up in the superficial dramas of the characters on the holo and forget about the real galaxy. "Hey! Stop it!"

"I can't believe _you_ of all people like that junk!"

"I know they're not the _best_ form of entertainment but it's not that bad! Anakin, stop!"

Her eyes rose to meet his, expecting to see a mirth dancing in them at her expense but there was none. His gaze seared into hers, intense and filled with _something._ Something she couldn't place right away. Something that brought the butterflies back more powerfully than before. Anakin's eyes bore into hers and Padme was transfixed. "Anakin…"

His face moved closer to hers and her breath caught in her throat. Without thinking her chin tilted upwards, just slightly, just enough to be closer, to feel the warmth of his breath reach her skin. And then his lips touched hers, softly, gently, barely there until she leant further into him, returning the pressure he gave her. After a moment she felt Anakin's fingertips graze her cheek and then slide along her jaw and into her hair and sighed against his mouth. Where did this come from? She'd felt _things_ for him for a while now, but never once had she entertained the prospect of those feelings being mutual. He hadn't given her any inclination…

No more, she decided. No more questioning this… She wanted this and so did he… Why overthink? Why let her mind run into overdrive and bend over backwards like she _always_ did. Don't think, do. _Feel_. Anakin's tongue licked across her lip, sending a shuddering thrill tingling throughout Padme's whole body. Instinctively, her lips opened, granting him the entrance he sought and he caressed her tongue with his own, drawing out and swallowing a small moan from her throat.

Padme's fingers busied themselves by sliding into Anakin's curls, sighing contently at how _soft_ they were. They pulled apart for a moment to breathe before falling into one another again. She whimpered as a husky, masculine sound fell from the General's lips before he tore himself away from her and began a fiery trail along her jaw.

Their lips met again just in time for the comm attached to his wrist to buzz. Anakin pulled himself away from her lips with a frustrated growl and pulled the small device to his lips. " _What_?" He barked making Padme giggle quietly despite her lips still tingling from the kiss. _By the Force…_

 _"We're on the way to pick you up now!"_ A female voice Padme didn't recognise responded. The two Jedi exchanged frowns before Anakin's thumb pressed the button which allowed him to speak.

"Who the hell are you?" Anakin demanded and was answered a moment later with a loud giggle.

" _The name's Dorme. I'm joining the team! Master Yoda's idea. Nice to meet you too, General!"_

 _ **A/N: Just like last time, more reviews = faster updates! Let me know what you think!**_


	3. Chapter 3

**_A/N: Thank you so much for all the lovely reviews! I'm so sorry I didn't get a chance to reply to you all individually, work got in the way of that. But I'll write back to every review on this chapter, I promise._**

 ** _To answer a question a few of you guys have, Anakin is 26 years old, Padme is 23 years old, Dorme is 25, Aayla is 23, Kit is 25, Obi-wan is 41 and Ahsoka is 17._**

Anakin wasn't happy with the addition of Dorme into his team without his permission, however, the orders of Master Yoda stuck and the woman was officially added to their roster. Dorme was from the med ward of the temple but wasn't lacking in fighting skills by a longshot. The small Jedi Master believed their team needed someone with medical training in order to ensure minimal wounds and losses. Padme couldn't say she disagreed.

She liked Dorme immediately. She was loud and energetic and made even the most boring situations _fun._ They clicked right away and she fell into place with the team quickly enough. Anakin still pouted about his lack of choice in the matter every now and again, but the team had been together long enough by now to understand when to ignore his petty irritations. If Dorme noticed Anakin didn't want her there, she certainly didn't act like it, ruffling his hair playfully, throwing herself into his training routines and commanding much of the attention when the team had rare moments of peace.

Amongst all of this, Padme's relationship with the Jedi Master leading the team continued to shift and change. Since their kiss last month it'd matured into something, although still secret from the team, open and trusting and though she suspected neither was ready to say it, _loving._ They were serious about one another that much Padme knew without a doubt. It was them and only them. Neither saw anyone else. Neither _wanted_ to.

Training was finished for the day and everyone had gone their separate ways. It wouldn't be long until they were called out into the war front again, so everyone stole what little peace they could find in the off times and savoured it. She rolled her stiff shoulders and felt the green long-sleeved tunic she wore slip higher on her stomach. The entrance of the docking bay was just up ahead where she knew he'd be. Always fixing things… _Always_ working on his fighter… Padme would have rolled her eyes if she didn't find it so adorable. Anakin might dispute her choice of words, but she _did_ find it adorable. She liked to watch him fix things sometimes, admiring the way he frowned as he concentrated or chatted to his beloved astromech Artoo as he worked.

 _I'm falling in love with him_.

She'd known it almost immediately but had been too afraid to admit it out loud thus far. Saying those words was a big step and it was fast. They'd only begun this… Whatever it was a month ago. Some people took several months to even _consider_ the possibility of falling in love with someone. But despite herself, Padme had fallen fast and hard and just _thinking_ about her Jedi Master was enough to stretch a smile across her all too willing lips.

Just as she'd predicted, Anakin was by his fighter in the docking bay surrounded by tools of various sizes and colours and she smiled at the familiarity of it all. He must have sensed her approach because as soon as she drew near, he slipped out from beneath his ship, rolling on the small wheeled bench and stood to greet Padme with a wide smile. "Morning."

"Morning?" She laughed, cocking her hip. "We already saw each other earlier."

He stretched his arms out, yawning sleepily. "That's different… We were with everyone else."

Suddenly, Padme felt herself being pushed by a pair of invisible hands, forcing her closer to the Jedi General against her will. Though secretly, she wasn't _all that_ unwilling. "Excuse me, what do you think you're doing?" He didn't answer verbally, grabbing her by the forearm and dragging her behind the protective cover of his fighter for a little privacy. She tried not to smile when her back hit the ship but failed terribly.

"I've missed you." He whispered, deep blue eyes dipping low to follow the curve of Padme's lips.

She wasn't doing any better, trailing her fingertips along the length of Anakin's arms, enjoying how he shuddered against her. Unable to resist, she slid her hands to his shoulders and leant up onto her tip-toes to whisper a kiss against his cheek. He chased her mouth, taking her lips with his own with a low groan. Padme sighed into the kiss, wrapping her arms around Anakin's neck tried not to smile at the feeling of his hands on her hips. It'd all happened so quickly, but she was _so_ happy. They could die any day and being with Anakin made her smile – how could she question it?

Anakin pulled away first, leaning his forehead against hers breathlessly before taking a step back. "We should probably stop."

* * *

Anakin didn't want to stop. Quite the contrary actually. If he could kiss Padme every moment for the rest of his life, he would… _Happily_. He wanted to be with her every single moment, to hold her and declare to the entire galaxy that Padme Naberrie was his. Anakin wanted to be affectionate and show her how he felt… If things were better the heat that sizzled between them told him they'd have taken each other already. But things _weren't_ better. They had to be careful. Jedi could fall in love and have relationships but contraceptives weren't available for private purchase in pharmacies on Coruscant and the temple healers were only allowed to hand such pills out to female Masters.

When they were alone they never stepped inside the other's private quarters, always preferring to remain semi-public to stave off the temptation to get lost in one another and go too far before they could stop themselves. It would be _so easy..._ But they couldn't. _Anakin_ couldn't. If they slept together, it risked the conception of a child. If Padme had a child – _any_ child much less his – she'd have to leave the team for _at least_ the nine months it took to carry it and then… And then Force only knew what would happen. She could leave the Order to raise it while he fought in the war but Anakin knew what it was like to grow up without a father. _No fucking way._

Padme ignored his gentle warning and pulled him down into another kiss sending all rational thought far from the forefront of Anakin's mind. _She tasted so sweet…_ He wanted to be responsible and make sure they did the right thing, but it was hard – so fucking hard… Her tongue brushed against his and he moaned, slipping his arms under her backside to lift her, trapping her petite body against the fighter and himself. Every single drop of blood in his body headed downward when her legs wrapped themselves around his waist, grinding herself against him. _Force,_ how was he supposed to resist? It'd been a long while since he'd been with a woman… His body ached for the closeness, the _pleasure_ it knew it could find with her.

He was getting caught up and he knew it. But not one part of the General wanted to stop. Padme's tongue stroked his wantonly and Anakin's fingers wound themselves into her soft hair for a moment before tearing himself away from the sensual kiss. They were both panting, both hot and desperate for more. "We have to stop." He forced himself to say.

"Why?" Padme whimpered though he knew that she knew _exactly_ why they had to stop. They'd talked about it already. Her hands ran across his chest and dipped low to caress the fabric of his tabard just above his belt making Anakin tense against her.

"If you start that, I won't be able to stop…" He warned quietly and closed his eyes, imagining Obi-wan and Kit in dresses.

"Maybe I don't want you to stop…" She whispered with her large doe eyes staring at him, wide and willing and Anakin couldn't stop himself from kissing her again. _Fuck_ … When they pulled apart again their foreheads pressed together, unable to separate further.

"I want you." He admitted shakily, "You know that." Force, that was putting it lightly… "But we have to be careful, Padme."

"I know." She sighed, reaching up to touch his cheek lightly. "There are things we can do, you know… I read that if you, uh, _stop_ before –"

Anakin laughed and kissed her sweetly. "That's not fully guaranteed. I just can't put you at risk… It's not going to be easy, but we'll figure something out. I promise."

* * *

"What's the matter with you?" Dorme asked with narrowed eyes, watching her from the opposite side of the table with her head in her hand. "You're practically _squirming_."

Padme blushed and crossed her legs beneath the table, swallowing nervously. Was she really that obvious? She'd been trying to ignore the dull aching between her legs that screamed of unsated desire. It was getting worse and worse the longer she and Anakin couldn't be together. "What? Nothing's wrong." She muttered distractedly and picked at the plate of food before her.

"Mhm." Dorme's gaze intensified and the Jedi Knight looked away to avoid it. "Right… You expect me to believe that?"

She frowned at her dinner and shrugged. "There's _nothing_ to believe, Dorme. Everything is fine."

"Alright." The other woman chuckled and they were quiet for a few minutes as the chatter of the room distracted Padme from her friend's questions. Kit and Aayla were eating together near the door and Ahsoka was laughing at a story told by Barris just a few tables over. Further than that, Master Mundi, Master Windu and Master Yoda spoke quietly with Anakin and Obi-wan though there was no laughing in their conversation. Her eyes trailed along the length of him and her breath caught in her throat as her arousal spiked once again.

"So, Master Skywalker hasn't crossed the threshold of the bedroom, huh?" Dorme asked and Padme choked on her own breath, snapping her head back to look at the brunette Jedi opposite her.

" _What_? That's – that's not…" Flustered, Padme couldn't string together a sentence complete enough to deny Dorme's words. How did she know? They were so careful! Their time together was always private and when they were with the team, the mission came first… "I don't…"

"So you two _are_ a thing?" Dorme squealed loudly, attracting the attention of several Jedi in the cafeteria while Padme cringed. "I knew it!"

"Shh! Dorme be quiet!"

"Tell me _everything!"_

Huffing as if frustrated, it took a lot of effort to keep the smile that wanted to grow off her lips. They'd agreed to keep what was between them private but it was _so_ nice to be able to talk about it with someone! "Alright, alright… Yes, we're together." The smile won the battle and she felt her cheeks flush. "But we haven't… We can't… It's not safe."

Dorme's amused smile fell away to be replaced by a sympathetic wince, making Padme blush harder. "Oh poor you! Not getting any is no fun at all."

Padme's eyes rose to the ceiling in embarrassment. "He's just being responsible." The truth was, despite how _badly_ she wanted him, he was right. Neither of them was exactly in an ideal situation to raise a child and if she _did_ conceive, she'd have to stand down from the team and maybe even the Order if she decided to keep it rather than hand the child over into the crèche. But she couldn't ask Anakin to do the same. The Republic needed him; it would be selfish to demand he step away from his calling to help her raise a baby. She'd be on her own… Maybe her family would take them in; they'd been so warm in their letters recently that she felt the strangest pull toward them. She'd been thinking about visiting but there was never any time to travel all the way to Naboo.

"That really is a shame…" Dorme nodded sympathetically. "If only you knew someone who worked in the med ward and had access to the best contraceptives available… _Oh well_." She made to stand up and leave but paused when Padme grabbed her hand, jaw hanging open.

" _Do_ I know someone who could do that?" She asked, afraid to let herself hope.

Dorme laughed at her friend's wide hopeful eyes and slid back down into her seat. "You certainly do! Though I'm a little disappointed that you didn't think to come to me sooner – we're friends! To think you and our angry General have been going without when you could have broken the bed by now is so saddening…"

" _Dorme_!" She hissed but laughed anyway. "Can you really get them?" Despite herself, Padme let her eyes wander toward her love, biting down on her lip as excitement blossomed in her breast. They wouldn't have to hold back anymore! They could be together – _really_ be together – at last. The excitement mingled with a strange touch of relief in her chest, she'd been half afraid that if this went on, she would die on the field without knowing what it was like to be with the man she loved intimately… Was that sappy? Probably. But she was too happy to care!

"I can. I'll get them sorted tonight when everyone else has gone and you can start the course tomorrow! You won't be able to go at it for another twenty-four hours after taking the first pill though, it takes a little time to come into effect. You have to be careful because more often than not, _that's_ how accidents happen."

Padme nodded and took mental note of everything Dorme said before taking the other woman's hands and squeezing them. "Thank you so much, Dorme! What would I do without you?"

Dorme returned Padme's fond squeeze and giggled warmly. "Well, I know what you _wouldn't_ be doing…"

" _Stop._ " Padme laughed and glanced around them praying no one overheard their conversation, "I really am grateful though, Dorme. I know you could get into trouble for helping us like this."

The bubbly woman calmed, pretty face turning serious suddenly. "Master Skywalker loves you, you know."

Padme's heart leapt into her throat. "Don't be silly… It's just… What makes you think that?"

Dorme smiled softly just like Padme would imagine an older sister might. "On our last mission you were knocked down and your lightsaber was kicked out of your reach, do you remember? Well, I saw Master Skywalker's face. He was terrified. On the verge of cutting through every droid in the way to get to you, I think. Until you took the damn droids out yourself."

Padme _did_ remember that. Still had the bruises to remind her. But she hadn't seen Anakin's face or realised he even noticed… Was this really true? Did he love her back regardless of how soon it was?

* * *

Days past and Dorme found getting her hands on the contraceptive pills a little more difficult than originally anticipated, but Padme didn't mind waiting a little longer. It was frustrating, yes, but she knew that sooner than later, they'd get what they wanted. She just had to be patient. And _not_ tell Anakin what Dorme was up to. Not that she believed he might disapprove, but she wanted it to be a surprise. She could tell him when the course had begun and they could finally express how they felt about one another without fear of consequences.

It was difficult to keep it to herself though, especially when they were alone. More often than not they slipped outside the high temple walls to steal some quiet time alone together. Walking around the temple grounds was the only option, neither could afford the temptation of being inside the other's quarters and if they went into the streets, their picture would end up on the holonet news by morning. So they did what they could and walked hand in hand past the training yard.

"I think everyone knows about us now. Dorme can't keep anything to herself for more than a minute." She wasn't annoyed at the other woman, not really. The other members of the team were going to find out about them eventually, Padme just wished it could have come from them.

Anakin's hand squeezed hers warmly. "That's alright. I think we've proven by now that the mission comes first. Our judgement isn't skewed by our relationship."

"That's true." Padme conceded quietly. "Though I can't help but look at you admiringly every now and again when we're out…"

He laughed and released her hand to wrap his arm around Padme's shoulders. She sighed contently at the added warmth of his cloak and snuggled closer. "You _ogle_ me?" He snorted, pressing a sweet kiss to her forehead.

"No, I don't _ogle_ you." She grinned. "I admire. There's a difference."

"Well, I do it too." He admitted proudly. "You're a good reminder to stay alive, y'know."

Padme laughed into his shoulder. "That's romantic."

Anakin stopped walking and forced Padme to do the same. "I mean it, Padme. When we're out there fighting, I focus on the mission first, you know that. But surviving, coming home with you – _to you_ – is always in my mind. It's what I fight for… So we can have a future in this galaxy together."

Padme's eyes moistened, "Anakin…" It was on the tip of her tongue to say how she'd fallen in love with him… Truly, deeply in love with him. It would be so easy to say the words after his own. Maybe Dorme was right. He wouldn't fight to be with her after the war if he _didn't_ love her, would he? His gloved fingers came up to tuck her hair behind her ear softly and she opened her mouth, the words so close to leaving… "What did I ever do to deserve that devotion?" She whispered instead, genuinely curious but also deathly afraid of saying what she truly wanted to say.

Anakin smiled as if the answer was obvious. "You're you, Padme."

* * *

They were on their way to the latest mission and everybody else had gone to bed for a few hours before they landed. Everyone except Anakin, Padme and Dorme that was. The trio sat around the transport ship's small sabacc table playing quietly so as not to wake anyone resting nearby. Dorme beat out Anakin's hand with an unhinged laugh, throwing her cards triumphantly. Anakin huffed grouchily and sat back against his seat, crossing his arms over his chest like a spoiled child. Maybe it would have been annoying if it wasn't so sweet.

"Oh, look at you!" Dorme laughed; piling what little credits they'd amassed throughout the game toward her side. "So petulant. It's lucky you're so cute, General, or else the team might not be so sweet on you."

Padme sniggered behind her hand and placed down her own losing hand. She'd never been very good at card games anyway. Dorme reached out to ruffle Anakin's curls with her free hand but the Jedi Master batted her away.

"Hey! Don't touch me."

Dorme only laughed harder, furthering Padme's amusement at her boyfriend's expense. She could see why the younglings loved him so much – he still acted like one of them sometimes! If only Obi-wan and the others had stayed up to see this.

"You had better start being nice to me, Skywalker." Dorme pointed at their superior playfully, unable to stop the smug grin that appeared on her mouth. "After the efforts I've made on your behalf."

The smile fell from Padme's lips as Anakin tensed beside her. "What efforts?"

Dorme, no! She screamed inwardly – this wasn't how she wanted him to find out about the contraception pills they were sourcing. It was supposed to be a surprise. But if Dorme noticed Padme's distress, she ignored it, still smirking. " _Oh…_ So Padme hasn't told you then. Ops. Looks like I've given the game away."

" _Dorme."_ Padme hissed and felt Anakin's gaze on her face.

" _What_ are you talking about?" He demanded and Dorme giggled again reaching into her cloak and producing a dull brown bottle which rattled with every movement of her wrist. Padme's heart leapt in her chest. _Was that…?_ She'd really gotten them? "What are those?" Anakin asked reaching for the bottle.

Dorme was unintimidated by their leader and held the bottle out of his reach. "Well, because I am the greatest person who ever lived in this galaxy, I decided to step into this little love story of yours and help! Every couple needs a little intimacy every now and again after all."

Padme flushed crimson as Anakin spluttered beside her. Force help her… "Dorme, please."

"These little beauties right here," she rattled the bottle, "will help you and Padme here, um… _Consummate_ your relationship. Y'know, without the usual results. The temple doesn't need any of _your_ spawn running around just yet, after all, General."

Padme dropped her face into her hands and groaned. This was _not_ how she wanted this conversation to go at all… It was supposed to be romantic and special but right now she would rather jump into hyperspace without a ship than sit here any longer.

"Wait… Are those…?" Anakin trailed off as Dorme spoke for him.

"Contraception pills? _Yes!_ " She finally handed him the bottle and Padme watched his eyes frantically scan over the label for a moment. "How much do you love me right now, General?"

Padme expected him to roll his eyes and throw yet another half-meant insult Dorme's way but almost fell out of her chair when he spoke. "I _fucking_ love you." He admitted still looking at the bottle and Padme laughed as the other woman threw herself over the table into the unwilling General's lap with an excited squeal, almost knocking them both onto the floor.

"I knew it! I knew you loved me, General!"

"Get the _fuck_ off me!"

* * *

Anakin walked Padme back to her sleeping quarters after the three had called their game a night. They needed to get some rest before landing after all. Dorme had slipped away first, throwing Padme a knowing look over her shoulder as she departed, leaving the two lovers alone. They walked quietly, excited for what was to come. After Dorme had given her the pills, she'd politely excused herself under the guise of using the fresher and quickly swallowed one. Now they just had to wait twenty-four hours and they could lose themselves in one another.

The prospect sent a nervous shudder creeping through Padme's stomach.

"What's wrong?" Anakin gave her hand a small squeeze, sensing her feelings. He was perceptive, she'd give him that much. Should she tell him? After all the build-up, she didn't want to seem childish and unready, because she _was_ ready. It was just a big step. One she'd never gotten anywhere near at any point in her life. There was no going back once it was done and it was a little overwhelming.

"I'm nervous." She admitted quietly and noticed her doorway approaching.

"Why?" They reached the door and lingered, neither moving to press the receiver to open it. "If you're not ready –"

"No, I am." Padme nodded, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing his lips softly. "I really am. I'm just a little… Afraid." But she didn't really understand why. She _loved_ Anakin and wanted to take this step with him so badly. Where were these nerves coming from? Most women Padme's age had lost their virginities long ago! From the letters she was exchanging with her family it seemed her older sister had had a child by her age!

"I'll be gentle, I promise." He whispered huskily, briefly caressing her jaw with his lips. "I won't hurt you, Padme."

"I know." She nodded and closed her eyes for a moment. "I've just never done this… Any of it before. And I want it to be good for you too. I'm just worried…" Admitting it out loud made her cheeks flush again and Anakin's low chuckle didn't help matters. She felt his ungloved fingers slip beneath her chin, making her meet his heated gaze.

"That doesn't matter. What we've done and haven't done is in the past. This is about us, Padme. You and me. It may take a little time, but we'll learn how to please each other." She felt herself smile at words, the weight of the tension of her shoulders easing into relaxation. He was right. She was being silly. She loved him, that's all that mattered… Everything would come together for them, she was sure of it.

"Thank you…" She smiled wider and leant closer to him. "Imagine what people would say if they knew how sweet and reassuring you can be."

"I'd prefer not to know." He laughed softly. "Besides, I have a reputation to uphold." Their lips met then softly at first and then deeper, harder, heat beginning to spark between them as Padme's hand slipped into his golden curls with a sigh. If only the pills worked right away… She wanted nothing more than to drag him inside her room and act on their words. She wanted it so badly it ached deep within her.

When they pulled away, she lingered closely by his lips, "I want to be with you, Anakin." She whispered hotly, "In every single way."

Anakin took her lips again with a desperate groan, pressing her against the nearest wall so she felt every hard edge of his body against hers. With a gasp Padme realised she could feel the stiff bulge of his arousal against her core and slid her hand down the length of his chest to cup it gently, trembling. They were going to be together soon, very soon, she had a right to feel him, didn't she? Besides she was curious.

Anakin tore his lips away from hers and she revelled in the ways his eyes widened before shutting tightly. "Mm," he groaned as her fingers rubbed across him softly. At the feel of him, Padme's own arousal spiked sharply, making her pant.

"I want you." She whispered as his hips pressed against her palm. " _Anakin,_ I want you inside me…" Her lips painted sweet, gentle kisses along the length of the Jedi Master's neck, pulling soft breathless moans from his lips. She was so aroused, so hot for him, she had no idea what she was doing, but she didn't want to stop. Anakin thrust against her palm again and she returned the pressure, craving some friction for herself.

"Force, Padme…" He pushed the words past his grit teeth. "You're not making it easy for me to keep control."

The warning words made her want to whine. She didn't want his control, she wanted fire and passion and Force she wanted him to take her clothes off. "I don't want you to keep control. I'm tired of waiting, Anakin."

He nodded quickly and shuddered as her grip tightened on him. "No more waiting."

"Really?" She gasped, scarcely willing to believe what she'd heard.

"When we get back." Anakin groaned. "The time the pills need will have passed."

"We aren't waiting anymore?" She asked breathlessly despite him already answering that question. She just needed to hear him say it again.

" _Can't._ " Anakin groaned, burying his face in her neck as his hips strained against her. "It's been killing me to wait this long… I can't wait a second longer than we have to."

"Mmm." Padme sighed. She was wetter than she'd never been in her life. _All_ she wanted was to stumble inside her bedroom and onto the nearest surface. "I've never felt like this before," She whispered. "I want you so badly."

Anakin grit his teeth again and reached down to tug her hand away from his hardness. She understood. If they didn't stop now then they wouldn't stop at all. Smiling, Padme pressed the receiver on her door and watched it slip open. "I'll see you in the morning, then." She whispered over her shoulder.

"In the morning," Anakin repeated softly.

 ** _A/N: Please review and let me know what you think! I keep saying it, but more reviews means faster updates. You REALLY want the next chapter, my friends. You really do. ;)_**


	4. Chapter 4

**_A/N: First of all, please mind the change of rating._**

 ** _Sorry this took so long to post! I've re-written this chapter three times so I hope you like it!_**

 ** _Also, thirteen pages. This thing is THIRTEEN PAGES._ _I hope you like it!_**

It'd been storming since they got back. Padme had always found the tapping of raindrops against her window soothing while she slept or meditated. The Jedi looked out of her window and toward the thousand little lights of the city planet in her view with a shaking sigh. This was it. It was almost midnight, the time they'd agreed Padme should meet Anakin inside his quarters.

She took another breath and carefully slid out of her room. No doubt Padme wouldn't be the only Jedi sneaking through the halls to their lover's room tonight, but she still felt guilty almost, like a child sneaking to the kitchen for a forbidden midnight snack. Silently, she crept toward the higher level where the quarters of the Masters were and prayed no one saw her. Some people knew about her and Anakin by now, they didn't hide it as much as they used to. Obi-wan had confessed to knowing about them as had Ahsoka. Aayla and Kit gave her knowing glances every time the General so much as looked her way on missions and of course, Dorme knew everything. Padme didn't mind her team knowing about the romance, not really. They all knew each other well and she had confidence that they knew her relationship wouldn't affect her choices on the battlefield. Duty came first. That was the mantra they lived by.

The door to Anakin's quarters came into sight and the Jedi sped up her steps. The sooner she was inside… Well, the sooner it could happen. She _wanted_ this. But despite their little talk on the ship, the nervousness still lingered and she wasn't sure anything was going to soothe them fully until it was over. She didn't bother to knock and wait for Anakin to answer when she reached the door, simply pressing on the unlocked receiver and slipping inside. When the door closed behind her, Padme ensured it was locked so they wouldn't be disturbed.

"Anakin?" She called into the darkness of the room and tugged her cloak closer to her body. It was always cold in the temple at night, it would cost no small fortune to heat the long, tall hallways all day every day and she'd heard they were lucky to receive what funding they did, given Chancellor Palpatine's blatant distrust of the Jedi Order's power in the Senate. She sighed, pushing such thoughts from her mind for now. This was a personal night, no thoughts of work.

He appeared from the fresher at her quiet call clad in his dark trousers and grey undershirt and Padme's breath quickened. It was _real_. This was really happening. She'd never been in here before. In the darkness, she had to squint to see much of anything, but the room appeared much the same as her own quarters, just larger. Anakin had furniture which was surprising considering they weren't supposed to have possessions, yet there were two mismatched armchairs near the fireplace, a desk littered with scattered tools and droid pieces and strange assortments of lamps around various surfaces. She wondered for a moment just how the Jedi Master had acquired these things and snuck them into the temple without getting caught, but the thought died away when he lifted a hand and several of the lamps came to life to bathe the room in a dull glow.

Anakin closed the distance between them without either of them uttering a word. She watched his eyes flick over the Jedi cloak she'd thrown over her body as a smirk climbed onto his lips. "Are you cold? Or just hiding something under there?" It was supposed to be a joke but Padme flushed regardless, forcing a small smile of her own.

"A little of both, I suppose." Bravely, she met his eyes as he raised a single eyebrow, suddenly curious.

Pressing her lips together nervously, Padme's fingers slipped inside her cloak to run across the short little silk nightdress Dorme had talked her into purchasing for tonight with the credits she won from Obi-wan a week ago. It _was_ pretty. And far, far more appealing than the normal collarbone-to-toe Jedi standard issue nightdresses she usually wore to bed. It was shorter than Padme had originally anticipated upon purchasing it; the hem just barely reached beneath her backside which Dorme said was _"sexy"._ Padme wasn't so sure. She felt so exposed… The cold temple air sent goosebumps shivering along her legs and thighs, adding to her nerves. The pale blue colour was sweet and much less daring than some of the bolder choices the store had carried, Dorme said she was easing her into this slowly and picked it out.

"Yeah?" Anakin breathed and his gaze dipped lower as he reached for Padme's shoulders, carefully easing the heavy material of her cloak down until it fell into a dark puddle around her ankles. The cool air of the chamber hit Padme's body and the Jedi battled to keep her arms by her sides rather than protecting herself from his view. Anakin's breath hitched notably as his eyes roamed the length of her body several times before meeting her own gaze again. Part of Padme wanted to ask if he liked what he saw, just like she saw women do in those Holonet dramas all time, but she found she'd rather let the floor swallow her up right now than utter those words.

Without breaking eye contact, Anakin's ungloved fingers slipped beneath the thin little strap holding the nightdress up and trailed along its path, not pushing it down or off, just following its lead. His fingers slid along the underside of the material so his flesh brushed hers and Padme watched them glide lower, dusting a touch across the prominent cliff of her collarbone before dipping even further, skimming across the curve of her breast. She stifled a small gasp as the gentle touch fell away still trying to ignore the modest desire to cover herself from Anakin's view – he was going to be seeing much more of her sooner than later. There was no need for shyness anyway; she'd be seeing _plenty_ of him too before tonight was over.

Padme's attention was commanded back to Anakin's eyes when his exploring fingers caressed her jawline softly and they simply looked at each other for a moment, revelling in the moment. "Are you nervous?" He whispered.

Padme considered lying but thought against it. They had to be honest with one another if they hoped to have any future together. It wasn't easy but she nodded, eyes downcast again. "Yes… A little."

He kissed her then, sweetly, never seeking to deepen or take more than she gave and Padme sighed against his mouth before he pulled back. "We don't have to do anything, Padme. If you're not ready, I'll walk you back to your room right now. Nothing will change between us, I promise."

He was so earnest and sincere that the Jedi couldn't help but smile, wrapping her arms around his neck. How could such a renowned warrior be so _gentle_ behind closed doors? Padme wondered about that from time to time. But growing closer to him showed her more and more that Anakin Skywalker was nothing like the Holonet portrayed him to be. It was the most wonderful surprise. "I wish the galaxy knew who you really are, Anakin." She murmured quietly.

"What do you mean?" He frowned.

Padme smiled and shook her head. "There's so much more to you than everyone knows. You're gentle… And kind… I've never met anyone like you before."

Anakin smiled softly and lowered his head to brush the length of his nose against hers, making her laugh quietly. "This side of me is just for you, Padme. It's private." That made sense. Anakin was endlessly private with his personality and especially his past. While she suspected he'd shout from the top of the Senate rotunda about their relationship if it were appropriate, everything else about him remained shrouded in mystery. He hadn't divulged anything about himself to her from before he joined the Jedi Order and she sometimes wondered if he ever would. There were rumours that the late Master Qui-gon had dragged young Anakin to the Jedi Order kicking and screaming, but she'd never gathered the courage to ask him herself. When he was ready, he would tell her.

She leaned up on her tip-toes to kiss him again, smiling against his lips as they collided gently without meaning to. After a few moments, Anakin's lips moved from hers and followed the path of her jaw slowly, breathing fire against her skin. Her breath quickened and caught in her throat as the kisses reached her neck and his gloved hand reached up to slide the right strap of her nightgown down off her shoulder.

His head rose again to capture Padme's lips and she met him halfway, shuddering as the tip of his tongue traced the outline of her lower lip once, encouraging her to part and grant him entrance, which she did, sighing softly as their tongues met and his flesh hand slid down her other strap. The light material slid down Padme's body making her shiver softly from the sensation and the realisation that Anakin was manipulating the Force to tug the dress down, exposing her breasts. He didn't part from the kiss to look like she expected but brought his flesh hand up to cup her soft flesh while their tongues danced.

Unprepared, Padme whimpered into Anakin's mouth when his thumb softly circled the rapidly hardening peak of her nipple. She pressed against him with a moan when he flicked his thumb across the bud sending electricity sparking through her body. Anakin pulled back from their kiss with a small, husky chuckle and lowered his head to kiss her neck. Her eyes grew heavy-lidded as his attention fell further and further down her body, pausing to dip his tongue into the hollow of her collarbone for a moment before he dipped lower again to flick his tongue across the nipple he'd teased.

" _Oh."_ She gasped. His hot breath warmed her already flushed skin further as he did it again before parting his lips and closing them over the tight bud and tugging gently. His name fell breathlessly from Padme's already slackened mouth and he repeated the motion. By the Force… Between her thighs _ached_ with desire and it only grew worse when Anakin released her nipple and began to pleasure the other one right away.

She felt the silky material slip lower again, slithering down her body until it fell over her hips and onto a puddle around her ankles. The moment it fell, Anakin paused his lustful attentions on her breasts to pull back and let his sensual gaze trail along every inch of Padme's body. She heard more than saw his slight intake of air as his eyes took their time travelling the length of her. Nobody had ever seen her so nude before and the feeling of exposure was strange and foreign, especially since he was yet to take off a single item of clothing.

"You're so _beautiful…"_ He muttered quietly and met her eyes again.

Padme felt her cheeks flush at the compliment and smiled effortlessly. She didn't have a chance to thank him for the sweet words however as when her lips parted to speak, Anakin swooped down to take them once more, thrusting his tongue against hers lewdly. She slid a hand up into his curls just as his arm came around her body to pull her closer. Their chests pressed together, clothed and unclothed, and the slightly scratchy material of his undershirt chafed deliciously against Padme's nipples making her moan and arch further into him.

As pleasant as it was, however, the clothing situation was more than a little unfair. She wanted to see _him_ too. Their tongues circled around each other as Padme's trembling fingers began to untie the ties of his shirt, pushing the material off his chest when they came loose. Anakin shrugged it off his shoulders and arms before throwing it away across the room. Even in the dim light, he was beautiful. Her fingers ran across the hard flesh of his abdomen admiring the goosebumps her touch rose on his skin. Parts of him were smooth while others were rough and raised, scars from past battles, she assumed. Padme had plenty of those herself.

Anakin belt down suddenly and swept her into his arms and carried her to the bed near the centre of the room, gently lowering her onto it and climbing on the edge. Instead of kissing her again, he sat back on his knees and began to undo the various silver buckles on his leather glove, loosening the tough material enough to slide it off. Padme watched, awed, as he tugged the glove off and tossed it onto the table across the room. She'd never seen his durasteel arm before. Obi-wan was the only one on the team who had and that was only because he'd been there when it'd been attached.

Admittedly, Padme's knowledge of engineering was limited at best, so the craftsmanship wasn't something she could judge, she'd never seen another cybernetic limb before to compare it. The dull silver was offset by various yellow components which matched with the tips of the fingers. He clenched and unclenched it once and Padme noticed the slight _whirling_ sound it made with the movement for the first time. It was fascinating and strangely beautiful. She didn't understand why he kept it covered every day. Unable to resist, she reached out and laced her warm fingers through his cybernetic ones and shivered at how cold they felt against her skin. Anakin's hands widened slightly as he watched her but Padme wasn't looking at him. "Can you feel through it?" She whispered curiously.

"It has sensors built in. I haven't had the pain receptors activated though. Never saw a reason for them."

She unlaced their fingers and slowly guided his hand lower, to her breast and felt her breath hitch as he took the initiative to touch her. It was a strange sensation, cold and unlike his flesh hand but it was also _nice._ After a few moments, Anakin retracted his hand and began to unlace the ties on his trousers before ridding himself of them altogether as Padme watched. As soon as his trousers were off he tossed them to the side and climbed over her body to kiss her again. She wrapped her arms around his neck and tangled her fingers in his hair gasping into his mouth as their bodies pressed together fully nude. Despite everything, she blushed furiously suddenly as she felt Anakin's erection against her thigh. Though she'd teased him through his trousers just yesterday, this was _different._ Her thighs clenched together tightly to alleviate the aching she felt and she pulled back from the kiss, curious, and looked down at him.

After yesterday, she was sure he wouldn't mind if she sated said curiosity, so one arm unwound itself from his neck to wander downward on his body and touch him again. The moment her fingers came around him, Anakin tensed above her and Padme watched his mouth slacken slightly as his eyes fell shut. She had a basic idea about what to do but the details were something she'd never picked up in her conversations of this nature with her friends, so the Jedi followed her instincts. Her fingers curled around him gently, afraid of accidentally hurting him, and gave a slow stroke. He was hard and soft both at once. It was strange and oddly pleasant. She touched him again and heard him groan quietly.

A small shiver went through his body as Padme slowly grew more confident and stroked him harder, making his hips thrust against her with every slight twist of her wrist. Above her, she felt him shudder again and he leaned down to kiss her again. His hand crept along the warm skin of her stomach before sliding over her hips before dipping lower again, between her thighs, making Padme tense in surprise when his fingers began to caress her most sensitive spot.

Anakin must have felt her stiffening and broke away from the kiss to lean his forehead against hers. "This alright?"

She swallowed thickly and nodded. "Yes. It's – it's fine."

" _Fine_ ," Anakin chuckled huskily. "Just fine?"

He didn't let her respond, stealing whatever words might have left her mouth with his own and Padme let him, willing herself to become distracted by his tongue against hers and not overthink about his fingers touching her. His finger pressed a little more pressure against the little nub and began to rub small, hard circles against it making Padme jolt at the sudden pleasurable sensation.

" _Oh!"_

She was distracted by the warm rush of pleasure racing through her and the nails of the hand still on Anakin's back begun to dig into the hard muscle of his back. If the slight pain bothered him, he didn't let on. He moaned into her mouth and dragged the tip of his tongue across the roof of Padme's mouth as she willed herself to focus and continue moving her hand on his stiff erection. This wasn't all about her after all.

The returning caress against him brought another moan from the Jedi above her's lips and he began thrusting against her again, moving in time with her wrist, seeking more friction. Padme couldn't think about it too much… She felt altogether _too_ good from what his fingers were doing to her. She wasn't a total innocent. She'd been taking care of her own needs for _years_ after all, but her own touch paled considerably when compared to Anakin's. It felt so different to be touched by someone else… He had a different way about it that made it difficult to keep quiet.

Her own hips couldn't stay still and Padme felt herself undulate against him, moaning and whimpering his name the more he touched her. It was so good… She could barely breathe through the pleasure. In fear of getting too caught up and hurting him, Padme released Anakin's erection to grasp at his shoulder tightly, gasping hard as he tugged at her lip with his teeth. "Oh god!" She panted.

A strange coiling tension began to build in her stomach similar to the feeling of growing closer to one's release, but it was different to the shallow pleasure she'd given herself in the past. More intense, _bigger_ and far, far better than anything she'd been able to achieve on her own.

"Ah!" Padme cried out as Anakin suddenly pushed a finger inside her without pausing his rhythm against her clit. " _Anakin…"_ She was sweating and the tension was getting tighter, she couldn't think about anything other than how _good_ it felt. She was close. Closer. And _oh god,_ she was there. She was –

She could vaguely feel Anakin's lips kissing her throat but the Jedi could barely register anything beyond the stars that exploded behind her closed eyes. Every muscle in her body tensed as the pleasure washed over her from head to toe, leaving Padme boneless and gasping for every breath. As she began to calm, Anakin pressed a sweet kiss to her forehead and slowed the pace of his fingers inside of her. She'd _never_ … It'd never been so good before.

When she'd finally calmed enough to become aware of her surroundings again, Padme realised she felt something a little wet against his shoulders and paled with the realisation that she'd clawed at him enough to make him bleed. "Oh Force, Anakin! You're bleeding! I'm so sorry!"

He gave a slow smile, nudging her nose with his. "I'm alright." His fingers continued to steadily thrust inside her, keeping Padme's arousal alive despite her toe-curling orgasm. She felt wetter than she'd never been in her life, the moisture coating her thighs and his hand both at once. She wanted _more._ Needed him. _Now._

* * *

Anakin pulled his hand free gently, confident she was wet enough and ready for him. Despite that logical assurance though, the Jedi Master swallowed down a spike of nervousness. He'd been with women before, not _many_ but certainly some, but he'd never been with someone he cared about before. Hell, he'd never been with someone he loved before. He understood there'd be pain at first, but the thought of hurting her made his heart feel heavy. He'd done everything he was supposed to and taken the time to prepare her, so it shouldn't be overly uncomfortable.

More than that though, he was afraid of the ramifications this night would bring. He loved Padme, he already knew that, but if they did this, if he had her, his heart would be forever wed to hers. Anakin would belong to her in all the ways he feared ever belonging to anyone. Maybe it was too late to stop that now. They were bound to one another forever. For as long as they should both live in this cruel galaxy, Anakin's mind would never be free of her. It never wanted to be. Words were usually something he was good at, stringing together sentences was an art he'd mastered long ago, but the skill failed him now at the crucial moment where the silence felt heavy between them. There was _something_ he had to say, his heart ached for the words to come freely, but they were trapped deep in his throat with no idea how to free themselves.

Anakin kissed her then, to distract them both from his failure. He brought her legs around his waist and reached between their warm bodies for his hard length and carefully positioned himself against her. After one more moment of stillness, Anakin slowly nudged his way inside her and quickly reached for her hands, lacing their fingers through each other as he drove fully in with one thrust.

" _Ah!"_ Padme cried out, face crumpling in pain and she squeezed his hands tightly. Hoping to distract her, Anakin leaned down and kissed a path along the curve of her shoulder as she trembled beneath him. He gave her several moments to gather herself before kissing away the small tear that slipped from the corner of her eye.

"Are you okay?" He whispered and squeezed her hands again.

She sniffled beneath him and opened her eyes again with a nod. "It's not so bad now."

Nodding, Anakin kissed her again chastely and shifted his hips against hers without moving inside her. The small movement tore a husky groan from his mouth as they parted. "You feel so good…" _All_ he wanted to do was start moving within her and find his pleasure. Good was more than a slight understatement. She felt amazing. So wet and tight – _fuck_ she was tight around him. The drag was going to kill him when he moved.

Padme dragged her fingers down the length of his chest, dusting a gentle touch across his abdomen before sliding around to his back again. His shoulders stung like hell from her earlier scratches but the pain was nothing compared to how amazing she felt. "Anakin… I want you to… You can move now."

His heartbeat pounded in his ears as he nodded and rested his weight on his forearms by either side of her head, gently and carefully pulling his hips back just a little to give a shallow thrust inside of her. He waited, expecting a wince or cry of discomfort, but none came. Relieved, he pulled back further this time and pushed back in more firmly. The movement pulled another moan from both Jedi's mouths. Anakin's eyes fell shut tight as he moved. She was heaven. Pure bliss.

* * *

The pain faded and slowly being replaced by a pleasure she'd never imagined before. It'd hurt terribly at first and she hadn't been very sure what all the fuss surrounding this was about, but she was beginning to understand it now. Every gentle thrust Anakin gave made her gasp or sigh and her fingers tightened in his hair. Eventually, every movement he made within her didn't hurt at all. Everything felt wonderful and Padme let him know with a breathless gasp.

It didn't hurt at all anymore so she wanted a little control for herself.

"Anakin," she purred quietly, "I want to be on top."

His eyes nearly rolled to the back of his head and a strange word she'd never heard before fell from his lips. It almost sounded like a curse in a foreign language. Still, he nodded and with a surprising grace, reversed their positions so Padme straddled his hips. She'd asked for this but she wasn't very sure what to do… Anakin must have sensed this and smiled, lifting his cybernetic hand to trace the curve of her breast. "Move your hips…" He husked, "Anyway you want, find what feels good for you." She nodded and flattened her palms against his chest for balance, leaning forward slightly and rotating her hips experimentally. Her head fell back right away as pleasure shot through her core and she heard Anakin groan beneath her. "That's it… Just like that. Ride me, Padme."

She did just that, leaning her weight against her hands on his chest and slowly lifted her hips, hissing quietly at the slight burn of being stretched by his length within her more deeply than before. Driven to make this as good as possible for them both, Padme dropped back onto Anakin's cock, drawing pleasured cries from both their lips. It was amazing… She rose and fell on him again and again and again, crying out loudly as his fingers found her sensitive clit and began rubbing hard circles against it just like before. The dual stimulation of her moving over him and his fingers was overwhelming and Padme threw her head back again, tossing her hair over her shoulders with a whimper of his name.

* * *

" _E chu ta…"_ Anakin cursed breathlessly, falling naturally into his mother tongue, Huttese. He did that from time to time when his mind was otherwise occupied and left his mouth to its own devices. Padme's busy hips had knocked all ability to think straight out of him, scrambling words together in Basic was beyond the Jedi's capabilities right now. His free hand found her hip and pulled her down against him harder, _faster._ Probably not his smartest idea seeing as he'd almost fucking _come_ when she asked to be on top earlier, but he couldn't help himself.

Above him, she was moaning and whining his name, bouncing and rotating her hips relentlessly and making Anakin practically see fucking stars behind his eyes. She was good at this – too good for it to be her first time. If he hadn't felt her barrier break when he pushed inside, he might have doubted his place as her first. She was amazing. His thumb worked her clit faster, trying desperately to get her as close to the peak as he felt himself getting. It was fast, probably too fast, but she was too damned good at this. How was he supposed to last when the most beautiful woman in the Galaxy was riding the hell out of him?

All he could do was grit his teeth and do his best to make sure she came first. He bolted upright on the bed into a sitting position, making Padme gasp and stiffen against him for a moment. His thumb never once stopped working against her and his neck dipped to take a nipple into his mouth, earning him a pleasured sigh. Sharp fingernails ran through the Jedi's hair and he groaned against her skin, the sound muffled and almost lost beneath Padme's own noises. After a few moments, Anakin released her tightened bud with an audible _pop_ and quickly moved to pleasure the other one.

" _Anakin!_ " Padme gasped, grinding harder against his hips, " _Oh yes!"_

Anakin's arms came around her small body and flipped her into the mattress again, burying his face in the crook of her neck. When she came, _he_ was going to make her come, not watch her get herself off on him. She wasn't in any pain anymore so he thrust hard and fast into her wetness, gritting his teeth because she was tighter than anything he'd ever experienced before.

He felt her tighten around him suddenly and smiled against her hot skin. " _Yes._ That's it, Padme. Come for me… C'mon…"

He didn't have very long to wait. Seconds later, Padme began to tense beneath him, nails digging into his back and shoulders again as the pleasure built to its highest peak before exploding throughout her flushed body. Anakin didn't stop moving, but gentled the pressure he rubbed against her clit as she came with a wordless cry. Her inner walls pulsed and shook around him, drawing Anakin's pleasure out further, making it impossible to hold back any longer.

" _Padme."_ He groaned her name and then kissed her demandingly, thrusting once more and reached his own end. She gasped his name as he spilled inside her, pressing his forehead against hers with a grunt.

* * *

"Are you feeling alright?" He asked breathlessly as they lay beside one another afterwards, panting as if they'd taken down a hundred battle droids in one session. He was exhausted and exhilarated and more content than he'd ever felt in his entire life. His fingertip traced a delicate pattern across her shoulder as they recovered.

"Mm," she stretched out, sleepy and just as content as he was. "I think I'll be alright."

He chuckled lowly, "I got a little carried away…" It'd just felt _too_ good and she was every bit as into it as he'd been, even for her first time. In hindsight, they'd pounded each other a little _too_ hard in the heat of the moment. She was probably going to be sore in the morning. "I hope I didn't hurt you."

Padme smiled and it was more beautiful than every star in the whole Galaxy. She was a thousand times more radiant than Tatooine's twin suns; he swore it to the Force. "You didn't hurt me, Anakin, I promise."

His hand rose upwards from her shoulder to cup her cheek and he ran his thumb along her cheekbone gently. The moment was beautiful and tender and Anakin wanted desperately to tell her how much she meant to him… How much he loved her. In this galaxy to love meant to lose. They were fighting a _war_ and it was more than likely they'd both die before the end of it or worse, one of them would make it through without the other. Anakin wasn't sure he could live in a galaxy without Padme Naberrie in it ever again. She'd fast become his light in the darkness. She was what he fought for. _Their_ future was the true goal. Everything, every word was on the tip of his tongue but he was too much of a coward to say it.

"Anakin…" Padme's soft voice pulled him from his thoughts with the sweetest smile he'd ever seen. Her voice was gentle when she spoke, running her fingers through his hair in a way that made everything feel so _intimate,_ even more so than what they'd just done. "I know."

His eyes widened and a breath of relief burst out of him. His head bowed forward to rest his forehead against her shoulder and he simply breathed her in. She knew. She knew and didn't expect anything more from him… Sometimes Anakin swore she had to be some kind of an angel. Force, he could never live without her. He needed her more than his next breath.

Padme held him close and pressed a kiss to his head. "I love you too."

He already knew but enjoyed the words anyway.

* * *

"Hold on." Anakin grit his teeth and paced the small circular space between the chairs of the Jedi Masters of the Council. "Hold on just one second. You're telling me you want us to push forward with a full-scale attack against Dooku and Grievous on Geonosis?" This was madness. There was no way the Separatists wouldn't know they were coming – there were spies everywhere! They probably had lookouts in the Outer-rim just in case of this sort of thing. It could never work. _Countless_ people would die, Jedi and clone trooper alike. The risk was too high, even for Anakin who wanted nothing more than for this damned war to end.

"Exactly." Mace Windu confirmed, stone-faced as usual. "You're right to be concerned, Master Skywalker. I wasn't convinced of it myself at first."

That was of no comfort to Anakin whose entire team would be front and centre of the attack. "It's too dangerous. What if we try to get to Dooku and Grievous gets in the way?"

"Do or do not. There is no try." Master Yoda nodded and the Jedi Master rolled his eyes.

"Don't start with all that right now, Master Yoda." He warned. "The entire Separatist Council is convening there – the security will be immense. What if their leader is there? The Sith Lord we've been looking for isn't dumb enough to gather all his forces in one place without taking some precautions."

"You're not wrong." Windu acknowledged. "The Council will be part of the attack as will our own battalions. Your elite team's skills will be required to go after Dooku while Master and Yoda and I look for the Sith Lord. If we can take them down the war will be over, Young Skywalker. Something I'm sure we all want."

"Of course." Anakin agreed immediately and pinched the bridge of his nose. "But what if it's a trap? It's too _convenient_ for them to gather together like this."

"Perhaps." Yoda nodded gravely. "To end this war, a risk we must take, it is."

Anakin sighed and looked out the large transparisteel windows for a moment to calm himself. This didn't feel right. "What would we do?"

It was Windu who spoke to explain their plan. "Your team would enter the arena to hunt Dooku down and arrest him. He must be taken alive, this is a priority. Meanwhile, the other Masters would search the premises for any sign of the Sith Lord… The distraction of the clone battalions and Knight's attack would leave the Council with minimal security."

"We're to arrest them?" Anakin asked gravely, not looking at the Jedi Masters.

"No. Dangerous it would be, to keep them alive." Yoda sighed.

This caught Anakin's attention and his head snapped around to look at the two men. " _What_? Are you saying we're going to kill them? Without trials? That's not the Jedi way!"

The other Jedi were quiet for a few moments as Anakin's indignation flared. "The Jedi way must be sacrificed for one dark day if it means we can end this war, Anakin."

Anakin needed a minute to see through his rage enough to gather his words. He couldn't believe this… This was against _everything_ the Jedi Code ordered! If they followed this through, they'd be no better than the people they were assassinating. "If _anyone_ found out about this…"

"The Jedi Order would be ruined." Windu agreed darkly. "That's why we want to assign you to this job, Anakin. You're fast. You can be in and out of there before the attack is over. If your team succeeds and Dooku is taken alive, the deaths of the Separatist Council can be blamed upon him. No one will ever know the truth of what happened."

Him. They wanted _him_ to kill the Separatist Council. His soul to be blackened by their deaths. His hands stained… He was repulsed. Furious. Anakin wanted nothing more than to throw his lightsaber at their feet and leave the temple forever. _How fucking dare they_? But he couldn't. He couldn't leave because deep down, despite the brutality, despite the dishonour in it, Anakin _understood._ By damning him to hell, they'd be saving _millions_ of lives all across the galaxy… His sacrifice would mean the war could finally end. How could he refuse?

"Alright." He grit his teeth again. "I'm with you."

"Good." Yoda nodded. "Tell your team, the details of the plan, you cannot."

Anakin frowned. "Why the hell not?" They were a team; he trusted each of them with his life as they did him in return. If they were going to fight this battle then they had to know what was going on. _Not_ that he particularly wanted Padme to know about his part. His face almost crumpled. She'd never look at him the same again if she knew… She deserved better than to be with a murderer. His actions would repulse her and he couldn't blame her for it. He felt sick to his stomach just thinking about the task that laid ahead.

"We believe the fewer people who know the finer details, the more likely our success is," Windu said.

"This is a big fucking risk you're asking me to take," Anakin growled. "I hope you know that."

"Us who asks, it is not." Yoda narrowed his long eyes at him. "But the Force, it is. The good of the galaxy, this is for."

 ** _A/N: Please review and let me know what you think!_**


	5. Chapter 5

The team were quiet as the transport sped through hyperspace toward the Outer-rim planet Geonosis. Aayla glared down at her lightsaber as she cleaned it, Obi-wan dozed in his chair, Kit stared out of the window blankly, Ahsoka sat against the wall with her knees drawn to her chest, Dorme flicked through the briefing on her datapad and Anakin fiddled wordlessly with the comm device attached to his glove. No one met each other's eyes. The air was thick with tension and Padme felt like she couldn't breathe. She had a bad feeling about this. Dread settled deep into her stomach and nothing she did could shake it.

Their mission was to arrest Count Dooku and end the war. That's what Master Windu had explained in their multiple planning meetings. It was a dangerous mission with an expected death toll in the high seventies. Padme felt sick. Every mission had its risks. Jedi fell every time they went out into the field, she knew that. There was just something… _Something_ in the air she didn't like.

 _Anakin gave her a look, a strange glance she'd caught on his face more than once for the past month. She frowned a little and ran her fingers through his hair, "What is it?" Her voice was low even though they were alone in his quarters, tangled in the sheets as midnight chimed on the chrono._

 _The look lingered for another moment before Anakin's gaze lowered. "We need to have a talk tomorrow. After dinner, we can meet here."_

 _A talk? She tried to remain calm, but worry burst to life inside her stomach. Whatever this talk was, it couldn't be good. It had to be important. But why couldn't they talk now? They were alone and had all night to themselves. "Is something wrong? Anakin, what is it?"_

" _Nothing's wrong." He said passionlessly. "But it's serious and we need to sleep. We can talk tomorrow." Padme wanted to push it but pursed her lips together tightly and nodded. Pestering him about this would do nothing so she forced herself to let it go. Nothing was wrong he said, but she found she didn't believe him. Sleep was elusive that night for the Jedi as a sickening unease settled across her mind._

They were approximately sixty minutes from their destination and apprehension didn't fade the way the usual battle nerves did. Padme caught Aayla's eye and forced a small smile for her comrade's sake. The other woman returned it but like Padme's, it seemed false. Did everyone have this feeling? She felt like they were missing something. Something was happening but nobody knew what it was. Did Anakin feel this way too? He hadn't been himself these past few days and Padme knew it was the mission. She just couldn't piece it together.

Her fingers twitched above her lightsaber as she took a long, steadying breath. _Focus._ She needed to focus. Taking down Count Dooku wasn't going to be an easy task, even as a team. He was a renowned warrior despite his age. He'd been trained by Master _Yoda_ for Force's sake! Everyone had heard the story of how the fallen Jedi had defeated even _Anakin_ in battle and sliced his arm off his body. Obi-wan had been there. Maybe that was why he looked so pale now he'd woken.

He knew what awaited them out there.

Their ship landed too quickly for Padme's liking. She wasn't ready to face the mission yet, her mind wasn't settled and the dread felt even heavier than before. The battalions of the other Masters had already arrived to set up their attack; everything was in place for them. The Knights and clones would fight together to take down the battle droids and create a diversion while they slipped inside the base to find Dooku. She recounted the plan in her mind before standing. The Master's would enter the base through the top doorway after taking out the battle droids and work their way through the building in an attempt to hunt down the Sith Lord who'd led the Separatists from the shadows while Anakin's team found and arrested Dooku. If everything went right, they could end the war today. They could bring _peace_ to the galaxy.

They just had to survive today.

"Alright." Anakin stood up and commanded their attention. "This is it." The team stood and looked at their General silently, pleadingly, desperate for words to wash away the thick cloud of trepidation that had settled over them all. If he felt the pressure this placed upon him, Anakin showed no signs of it. His mind was already on the mission, focused with no distractions and Padme tried to do the same. "We end the war today. _Us._ All of us. Nothing is more important than that – _nothing_ comes before the mission, do you understand?"

" _Yes, sir!"_ The team chimed together.

"Then let's go."

 _The day dragged for Padme. She felt every tick of the chrono until dinner past at last. She'd been distracted all day and everyone had noticed it but there was nothing that could take her mind off of the talk Anakin wanted to have with her. Had something happened? She just didn't understand what he wanted to talk about. Her mind dissected every possible scenario she could imagine but nothing seemed to fit with his behaviour lately. Nervousness made the Jedi's stomach twist in tight knots that made eating her dinner rations impossible, so while the other's eat in the temple canteen, she walked toward Anakin's quarters to wait._

 _To her surprise, he was already there but he wasn't alone. The newly plated protocol droid he'd built from spare parts greeted her arrival the moment Padme stepped inside. "Ah! Knight Naberrie! I'm very honoured that you decided to visit!"_

 _Despite her worry, Padme managed to smile fondly at the fussy droid. "Hi, Threepio."_

 _Anakin didn't look up from where he sat behind his desk, typing something into a datapad with a grim face. "Threepio." He addressed the droid, "Go shut down and recharge for the night."_

" _Oh – yes, I shall do that right away, Master Anakin." He wandered off toward the small closet space at the other end of the room and Padme watched him disappear inside._

" _You make him stay in the closet?" She'd never noticed that before now. Threepio was certainly unique and could be a little trying at times but she liked him. He was sweet and only ever wanted to be useful. Forcing him into a closet wasn't very nice._

 _Anakin shrugged without looking at her. "Would you prefer he stayed out here and watched us?"_

 _Even turned off the eyes and face of the droid had a surprisingly human look and a cold shiver crept along her spine at the thought of she and Anakin's intimate moments happening in front of him. No, he was right. It was better he was away at night. "Alright, that's fair. Where does Artoo go then?"_

" _Dockingbay. He prefers it down there."_

 _Padme nodded and shifted on her feet. "You wanted to talk to me about something?"_

 _Finally, Anakin's gaze met hers and she felt her worry spike. He rose from his seat and walked to her but didn't embrace her like every other night they spent together. It only made Padme feel worse. "What is it?" She asked him again. "Something's been bothering you."_

" _Yeah, something's been on my mind lately." He admitted but it didn't make her feel any better. "The Jedi code being rewritten is the only reason we can be together. The rewrite says that Jedi can fall in love and have families now, but I never planned on having a family of my own not even if the code said that I could. Lately, I've been thinking about something. Years ago, my old Master Qui-gon told me that in life there are only two things guaranteed to a person. Life and death. But there's another inevitably hardly anyone ever talks about. That's if you mess around enough, then no matter what you do, you'll have a pregnancy to deal with."_

 _Padme frowned. What was he talking about? Was he still worried about getting her with child? Why? She'd been using the contraceptives Dorme had been smuggling out of the med ward regularly – she never missed a day! Why was he worried about this all over again? "Anakin –"_

 _He didn't let her finish. "There's something I want you to know about me, Padme. Something I probably should have told you as soon as we started this. My mother…" His throat tightened for a moment. "My mother's name was Shmi. We lived on Tatooine so I'm sure you can imagine the conditions. She was a slave all her life to different masters. I don't think any treated her all that well either. Some masters would give their slaves small credit allowances for food – just enough to keep them from starving, but it wasn't enough." He was quiet for a moment but Padme didn't dare speak, heartbroken and curious both at once. "She was a prostitute to make ends meet. Conceived me with one of her customers. She had to keep me hidden from her master – slaves weren't supposed to have kids. It was just another mouth to feed in their eyes. He'd have probably just sold me into one of the brothels if she'd gotten caught."_

" _Oh, Anakin…"_

" _She did get caught when I was nine. Her old master lost her in a bet..." His mouth twisted in disgust at the casual ownership of a human being. "Her new owner was a small thing called Watto and hiding a nine-year-old was hard. I'm amazed she managed for so long. Watto sent his goons in to punish her for the deception. They beat her so bad I thought they'd killed her. Turns out Watto sold me to some disgusting old woman who rented out kids by the hour in a hovel in the outskirts of Mos Espa. The goons took me with them when they left her. I got lucky; Qui-gon and Obi-wan busted the place the day I got there and took me with them."_

 _Padme's eyes watered as he reached up to wipe away a stray tear on his cheek and it made her heartache. He'd suffered so badly in such short span of time. Seeing his mother be beaten like that… Force, he was just a little boy! "What about your mother? Did you ever go back?"_

 _He nodded. "She lived. Some moisture farmer paid for her freedom and married her. I was nineteen when I went back but she was already dead. Some sickness that went through the city took her away before I could… She never knew what happened to me."_

" _I'm so sorry, Anakin. You both deserved so much better." Padme whispered and rubbed his arms softly,_

" _I don't like talking about it." His eyes were still watery and she could sense the pain he felt. It made her want to pull him into her arms and hold him until the old scars stopped aching, but there was more for him to say, she could tell. He was quiet for a moment, taking a slow breath to calm himself. Whatever it was,_ _ **this**_ _was the reason he wanted to speak to her tonight and Padme braced herself. "I'm telling you about this because I don't want to get you pregnant and put you in the situation my mother faced, Padme."_

" _What?" She balked, "Anakin it's_ _ **not**_ _the same…"_

" _It could be. And I won't take that risk. There are things about me you still don't know, Padme, things I've done. Things I have to do…" He trailed off darkly and closed his eyes for a moment, "But you know how I feel about you. If we keep this up, you're going to get pregnant eventually, it's inevitable. You might miss a pill while we're out on a mission or Dorme won't be able to get them for a while and we'll give into temptation. Something's going to happen and any child of mine isn't growing up without a father like I did. So… I want to give you my name."_

 _Padme' gasped and felt her legs shake suddenly. Was he… Was he_ _ **proposing**_ _to her? No, she must have misheard him surely. "Anakin! You're not… Is this real?"_

 _He smiled slightly and grabbed her hands, lacing their fingers together. "It's real. I know this isn't the most romantic proposal in the world; truthfully, I'm not exactly sure what I'm supposed to do. Naboo custom is probably different from Tatooine. This is all I know, so," he fell to one knee before her and have her hands a gentle squeeze. "Marry me, Padme? We could die any day out in the field and I accepted that a long time ago but if I die, I want to be your husband. I want us to be together, fully, in every single way for the rest of our lives however long or short they are."_

 _Padme was overwhelmed. Her head was racing. He really_ _ **was**_ _proposing! Anakin Skywalker was asking her to marry him. She couldn't believe it. She'd_ _ **never**_ _thought marriage was in the future for them. It had honestly never occurred to her. Jedi were allowed to marry but it was a rarity, especially with the war going on… She had been more than content with what they had but now the offer was there… It surprised her how good she felt about marrying him. She wanted it suddenly, even if the children he was afraid of having never did come along, Padme still wanted to be married to him. She loved him. Being bound to him in every sense felt right._

" _Yes!" The word tumbled from her lips mixed with a breathless laugh. "Yes, Anakin. Yes."_

" _Thank fuck." He whispered before rising and sweeping Padme into his arms with a laugh. Their mouths met as Anakin swung her around playfully. She'd never felt so happy before! To think she'd been so afraid of what this talk might bring – she'd been afraid he was going to break things off with her! Now they were getting married! When they parted and Anakin set her back on her feet, Padme didn't try fighting her smile._

" _We're getting married…"_

" _I'm sorry I don't have a ring for you. I don't know if that's the Naboo custom, but on Tatooine it is." He sighed. "I'll get one for you somehow, I promise."_

 _Padme smiled and shook her head, reaching up to wrap her arms around his neck sweetly. "It is Naboo custom too. But I don't need a ring, Anakin. I don't need anything."_

" _You don't? It might take a while, but I don't mind –"_

" _Anakin, all I want is your love. And I already have it." She grinned. Jedi weren't supposed to have possessions anyway. What would she do with a ring? It would probably just end up damaged after a few battles and Padme would hate herself for letting something so precious be destroyed. No, she didn't need anything like that. The vows they'd take would be more than enough for her. "When should we do it?"_

" _As soon as possible." He murmured before kissing her softly. It was soft and gentle, a promise of more to come. A whole lifetime of more. Padme couldn't help but smile into it and felt Anakin's lips turn upwards too._

" _After the mission?"_

" _That's a month away. I don't want to wait that long to marry you."_

" _Then when?" She laughed._

" _What about tonight?"_

* * *

They'd surpassed the initial assault of battle droids and the trickier B2-HA droids to gain access to the base. It wasn't easy, especially as Jedi fell with screams all around them, but Obi-wan trusted Anakin and he trusted the team. They followed his orders and only fought the droid's when absolutely necessary to continue on. That was what they had to do. The Jedi Master had broken away from the team upon their entry and instructed them to find but not engage Dooku. There was something strange about him today, Obi-wan mused as they walked silently through the sandy hallway. He'd wondered recently if there was perhaps more to this mission than the Council had let on… It would make sense. Anakin hadn't been himself in the lead-up and the older Jedi knew him well enough to know it wasn't mere battle nerves.

The Force felt tense and clouded around him and it gave Obi-wan an uncomfortable feeling. He felt cut off. Trapped even. Anakin had always felt things so much _more_ than most beings, perhaps he felt it too? Maybe he'd felt it since the mission's very proposal. He had been brooding for some time now, often becoming lost in his thoughts and oblivious to the galaxy around him. Knowing what he knew, Obi-wan had thought their leader might be happier than he'd been. There was cause for celebration in the Jedi's life. Almost without realising, his gaze travelled past Ahsoka to rest upon Padme for a moment. She was as pale and tense as everyone else. She didn't look at all like a woman who'd celebrated something so enormous either.

Perhaps it was merely because they had more to lose now.

" _Shouldn't you be resting?" The older man chuckled as he approached the team leader staring out of the window frowning as if it'd insulted him_. _"You know Windu says we should all have at least eight hours of rest a night."_

 _Anakin's mouth turned upwards at the corner just slightly. "The same goes for you, old man; you need your rest more than me."_

 _Obi-wan took the insult graciously and smiled wider. "Perhaps. But I find a nightly visit to the sabacc tables on the lower levels helps one sleep rather well, actually."_

 _The younger Jedi turned to face his friend with a more genuine smile, making Obi-wan relax slightly. Something was wrong but at least Anakin seemed a little more like himself now. "Nightly?" He asked disbelievingly._

" _Weekly really. But I don't imagine you're all that interested in my secret habits, Anakin. What's wrong?"_

 _He grunted a small laugh and then sighed heavily, leaning back against the wall. "I'm losing faith, Obi-wan… There's… Things are happening – things that shouldn't be. The Jedi Order is changing into something I don't recognise anymore."_

 _It was Obi-wan's turn to sigh now. He didn't disagree with what Anakin said; the Jedi Order_ _ **had**_ _changed before their very eyes these past ten years, but sometimes change was for the better. Flexibility meant preventing oneself from becoming dogmatic and aged. In times of war, things had to change to keep up with the tide. Unless there was something he didn't know, something the Council weren't telling them. The Jedi's stomach felt heavy suddenly as dread filled it. "What's happened?"_

 _Anakin knew he could trust Obi-wan, he was sure of it. They'd been brothers in arms for years, they came to one another for advice and anything mentioned between them remained between them, that was an oath they'd sworn years ago. Anakin took a long breath and shut his eyes tightly as if willing the words out of his mouth as they refused to move. "I think I want to leave, Obi-wan. When the mission is over and the war is done, I want to take Padme and find some peace."_

 _For a moment it felt as if the floor had been rugged out from beneath the Jedi's feet like a rug. His balance shook and he wished there was a chair to lower himself onto. Anakin leaving the Order wasn't something he'd have ever imagined possible. He loved being a Jedi and had thrived so much that he was the youngest Jedi to ever be Knighted and then later the youngest Knight to achieve Mastery. He was born to be a Jedi. What could have possibly changed his mind?_

 _Padme. He wanted to take her with him. Was this something they'd discussed? Much like Anakin, Obi-wan couldn't imagine Padme leaving either. The team… There wouldn't be a team without either of them. He wasn't sure what might happen if the team was left without their leader. Would someone else be promoted to the role? Or would they be separated and distributed throughout other squads? "Why?" He asked without meaning to. "Once you leave you can never come back, you know that."_

 _Anakin nodded gravely. "I do. And I haven't talked about this with Padme yet, but it's what I want. I just didn't realise it until today."_

" _I know you two have a relationship that's none of my business, but why would your leaving the Order mean she has to?" There were many Jedi who had relationships outside the Order, thriving ones at that. Those two could be the same. Perhaps it was selfish, but Obi-wan didn't want to lose them both. It would be a harsh blow to the Order and to himself. They were his friends._

 _The other man was quiet for a moment as if debating something with himself before speaking. When he did, a small smile crept upon his lips. "I married her, Obi-wan."_

 _There was that floor out from beneath him feeling again. Damnit why weren't there any chairs in this blasted hallway? "You_ _ **what?**_ _When?"_

 _Anakin's smile only grew. "Two days ago. It was a spur of the moment thing… I proposed and had planned to wait until after the mission, but once she agreed, I just couldn't. We're planning to announce it when the mission is over and the dust has settled. If we stay, Padme will be moved out of the team anyway, we already discussed it. Yoda and Windu will probably see her staying as a conflict of interest on my part."_

" _That's… That's very wise of you…" Obi-wan spluttered, truly at a loss for words. "Well then, I suppose congratulations are in order! I'm happy for you – both of you." He was tempted for a moment, to pull his old friend into a hug, but quickly stamped the urge down. He and Anakin were not hugging people. It would probably just come off as strange for them both._

" _Thank you, Obi-wan."_

" _But I still don't understand why you want to leave? You're one step away from joining the council! You're a great Jedi whose story will go into the Jedi histories. Why would you leave that behind?" His mind no matter hard it tried couldn't make any sense of it. A marriage surely didn't equal leaving the Order. Anakin and Padme had always understood the risks involved with being Jedi in wartime, they'd faced those risks already countless times over. A legal binding to their relationship surely couldn't change that._

" _I…" Anakin began and then paused to gather his words. "Padme and I have always been careful about being together. We didn't want an unplanned pregnancy taking Padme out of the team. But now…"_

" _Please don't tell me she's pregnant." Obi-wan sighed._

" _No, she isn't pregnant." Anakin laughed. "But we've both given up much for the Jedi Order. I think when the war is done we should put duty to rest and live for ourselves. I want… I want us to find a house someplace peaceful. Somewhere we can call our own and start a family when we're ready. I never thought it was something I would want, but I do."_

 _Before his very eyes, Anakin changed. No longer was he simply the warrior Jedi he'd watched grow up, but he became a man. Someone who was wise beyond his years and had made his decision. Obi-wan didn't try to change his mind. There was no point. All he could do was be happy for his friend and support this choice. "You are strong and wise, Anakin. If this is what makes you happy, then I'm with you all the way. I'm very proud of you."_

 _The younger man smiled and looked down bashfully at the praise. "You should know, if we leave, I'm recommending that you take leadership of the team, Obi-wan. And I'm putting you forward for Mastery. You deserve it more than I ever did."_

* * *

Anakin licked his lips and braced himself, unclipping his lightsaber from his belt as he entered the bunker silently. This had to be done. This was his duty. The sooner the war was ended, the sooner he could take Padme and leave the Order. His comm buzzed on his wrist but the sound went ignored as the General pressed down onto the receiver of the bunker, using the Force to will it open when the locks attempted to prevent his entry. He had to be silent, if they heard his voice through the door; the Separatist Council would know he was here and scatter.

" _General!"_ Dorme's voice broke his concertation and he hissed a curse, muffling the sound with his cloak. " _We've found Count Dooku! He's by the dockingbay preparing to leave. They know about the attack. What are your orders?"_

He tensed for a moment and then refocused as the automatic door's sensors picked up his presence and pulled themselves apart. Holoscreens with plans and battlefield maps were the only source of light as every being inside looked his way. Suddenly he was grateful he'd worn his cloak so that the hood might cover his face.

" _Anakin!"_ Obi-wan's voice rang out suddenly, " _Your orders?"_

He bit down on his lip and narrowed his eyes as Nute Gunray stood from his seat with a start. "A Jedi! What are you doing here?" Everyone was flustered and the tension began to feel heavy in the air. "This meeting was a trap!" The Neimoidian cried.

" _He's leaving!_ _Anakin, please!"_ Padme's sweet voice came from his comm and it was a test of sheer willpower for the Jedi to ignore her pleas. It was all falling apart. He couldn't be in _two_ places at once. Was he supposed to stay and complete his mission or let the Separatist bastards here get away in order to fight Dooku? Which was more dangerous, a Sith apprentice or several beings with unlimited influence across the galaxy? He weighed up the options quickly in his mind and grit his teeth.

Who was he supposed to let get away?

What duty was he supposed to follow? That given to him by his fellow Masters or the duty of a leader to help his comrades? Either way, there was no guarantee of success. Either way, there was going to be a failure which could cripple the Republic's chances of winning this war today. It was all on him.

" _Skywalker, if you don't answer, I'm going to assume you're dead and take Dooku down!"_ He heard Aayla next and then suddenly, the decision was made. Trust. That's what teamwork was all about, wasn't it? He had to trust his team to do what was right and survive the day, just like they always had. How could Anakin ask them to trust him if he couldn't offer them the same? It hurt to ignore their pleas, especially Padme's. She was his _wife_ now and he owed her above everyone else an explanation, but it would have to be later, when this was all done. For now, he put his faith in the plan chosen by Yoda and Windu. He had to. It was their only option.

 _You two had better be right about this._ _If I lose a single member of my team today because of this plan…_

"Are you here to arrest us?" One of the Separatists whose name the Jedi couldn't recall demanded and Anakin's attention focused on the matter at hand. He didn't answer the question. With a thought and a gesture of the hand, the bunker doors slid together once again and locked them inside, sealing the fates of everybody.

The beginning of the end had begun.

 _ **A/N: Please review!**_


	6. Chapter 6

_Please be alright. Please be alright._ The three words repeated over and over again in Padme's head as her fingers tightened around the cold hilt of her lightsaber. Why wasn't Anakin answering his comm? The signal was getting through just fine so he could _hear_ them if he was still… _Stop that!_ He was okay. He had to be alright. Anakin was the greatest warrior in the Order, if anyone was going to survive this battle it was him. She had nothing to worry about. But if he wasn't hurt or worse why wasn't he answering? His exact orders were to find Dooku and comm him so he could re-join them in the effort to take the fallen Jedi down. The team had done their part and now no one was sure what to do. Padme chewed at her bottom lip as silence rang out after Obi-wan's latest attempt to get through to their leader.

Suddenly, Padme felt a warm hand on her shoulder and turned to find Ahsoka beside her, the young girl's warm eyes were filled with a sad understanding that made her legs begin to tremble. "I'm sure he's alright." The girl tried to smile. "Knowing Anakin he's just… Caught up in something."

Yes. Yes, she was right. Anakin was… Well, Anakin. He was impulsive and had a flair for the dramatic. He was probably causing trouble somewhere, too busy to get back to them for now. But he would. They'd all be together again soon and then everything would be alright. The war would be over. They could… Well, whatever came next would happen. Her thoughts didn't stop her hands from trembling so Padme crossed them over her chest and offered Ahsoka a half-hearted nod in return for her sweet words. She didn't trust herself to speak right now.

"Anakin!" Obi-wan tried again but no answer came.

Padme glanced over at the transport ship droids were currently packing as Dooku waited by the docking bridge. If they didn't act soon, he was going to get away. They had a mission to fulfil even if Anakin wasn't here. He'd understand later, she was sure of it. _Nothing_ was more important than the mission, not when the very Republic was at stake. Steeling herself, the Jedi sucked a breath into her lungs between clenched teeth.

"No more." She said, drawing everyone's attention toward her. "He isn't… He isn't answering, that much is clear so we can't sit around doing nothing when Dooku is so close by." They had to do _something._ Force only knew when they might have an opportunity like this again! It was their _duty_ as Jedi to capture the enemy and restore peace. She pushed all thoughts of Anakin from her mind in order to find focus once more. He was alright – she could feel it in her bones. They'd find each other later when it was over. Still, she couldn't resist one final whisper to the Force around them… Just to be sure. _Please keep him safe…_

"Padme is right. We're wasting precious time." Obi-wan nodded.

"But… But the General said we should wait." Dorme's eyes were wide and unsettled showing everything Padme was trying so desperately to hide. "What if he's hurt? Shouldn't we go find him?"

"No." Padme swallowed and hardened herself to the surprised looks her comrades threw at her. No one knew the full extent of her romantic relationship with Anakin. No one knew the commitment they'd made to one another… The vows they'd taken. That was a decision she'd been behind. The news of their marriage might be a distraction from the mission. They could celebrate when everything was over. The surprise in everyone's eyes wasn't making it very easy to concentrate on the mission which was exactly _why_ Padme had sworn Anakin to secrecy on their marriage. It was for the best. "Master Skywalker clearly can't make it back us right now. We have a chance to apprehend Dooku right now! It's our _duty_ to see it through no matter the consequences."

"I agree." Aayla nodded immediately.

"As do I. The General would agree too." Kit said calmly as Ahsoka and Dorme exchanged an unsure glance. No one paid them any attention however as the team huddled closer. "What's the plan?"

"I'll take the lead," Obi-wan said confidently and lifted a hand to stroke through his neatly trimmed beard. "If we charge in together we lose the element of surprise. It's our one advantage so we must be careful. I'll do down first and get him talking. Stay here until it's absolutely vital that you come down – that goes for all of you. Understand?"

It made sense. She didn't like it but it made sense. Obi-wan could distract Dooku until they saw their chance to take him down. It wasn't going to be easy but they could do it. Everyone nodded and as Obi-wan leapt through the framing that'd once held transparisteel for a window and into the dockingbay, Padme worried at her lip again. _It was going to be okay._

* * *

His lightsaber slashed and tore through bodies without care, without mercy or thought as to who it struck. Anakin was no more. He was gone. At least that was how it felt to the Jedi as he cornered a female Neimoidian he didn't recognise and rose his humming blade to deliver the dreaded fatal blow. These were not the acts of a Jedi – _none_ of this mission was the Jedi way, though in recent days he'd come to believe the Jedi way had been lost a long time ago and no one had noticed.

Nobody had even _cared._

Someone screamed and pounded at the locked door for help and the Jedi swivelled his body slowly, gritting his teeth. They were too loud. It could draw attention. Years of training and battle led Anakin's body without any thought, without decision or hesitance. He acted on skill and instinct alone, every movement, every thrust of his wrist, every kill was purely physical. _Primal._ A hunter slaughtering his prey.

He took no joy in it. None of it.

He was doing his duty one last time.

Anakin's eyes felt heavier as they lifted to the only other being remaining in the room. Nute Gunray. The man screamed and trembled as the cloaked Jedi drew closer and twirled his lightsaber in his wrist almost surprised that it didn't slip out with the blood that stained his palm. Then again, the blood was merely figurative. But it _was_ there even if it couldn't be seen, Anakin could feel it, hot and slick against his skin, seeping beneath the surface and forever marking his soul.

One last day in the Order.

One last duty to face.

One last kill.

As the Jedi's eyes caught sight of his reflection in the blank screen of the monitor mounted on the wall, Anakin didn't recognise himself.

* * *

"I was wondering when you would come down, old friend." Count Dooku spoke without turning to face Obi-wan as he landed softly within the dockingbay. Ah, so he was rumbled already. The man deftly unclipped his lightsaber and ignited the vibrating azure blade.

"It's over, Dooku. Surrender yourself."

Obi-wan didn't expect the man to come easily but provided the offer regardless. He'd done his duty as a Jedi by showing the Sith Lord a peaceful way to end this though both men knew the Jedi had wasted his breath. The older man chuckled lowly at a joke Obi-wan hadn't heard and shook his head.

"Qui-gon would have been very proud, Obi-wan. Of you, that is, not the disgrace that is the Order."

Obi-wan managed a smirk as they began to circle one another, each awaiting the other making the first move to strike. "Qui-gon believed in the Order."

The Sith Lord chuckled then and shook his head. "If you believe that then you didn't know him very well at all."

Despite himself, a small pang of hurt tore through his chest. He'd been closer to Qui-gon than anyone, even Anakin, he had known his nature was more than slightly rebellious against the Jedi Order but he'd believed in it with his entire heart and soul… Hadn't he? Anakin's faith was fading too. Perhaps he'd missed something… Maybe he wasn't the student who'd been closest to the Master after all? No! Obi-wan shook it off and grit his teeth. Dooku was trying to distract him. He had to focus.

"The Jedi Order will fall this day, Obi-wan. You do yourself no favours by staying… I beg of you, join me and we can set this galaxy to rights again!" Dooku's pale face glimmered with a sincerity that was surprising. He'd never known the older man could be such a wonderful actor too. Then again, deception was the way of the Sith. It had probably been Darth Sidious' first lesson when they'd become partners.

"That's where you're wrong, Count. Your master's plans will never reach their fruition. The Council are on their way to find him here now and when they do, this war will be over."

Dooku was quiet for a moment and for the space of a single heartbeat, Obi-wan almost believed he'd surprised the man. But then he began to laugh. "You fool… My master isn't here. The Council have wasted not just their time, but the lives of _countless_ Jedi this day. Their idiocy is the reason the Order will fall. They've been doomed since the beginning."

"You're lying!" Obi-wan cried. "He must be here… They will find him and end this war."

Dooku's response came in the form of the hissing of his lightsaber's ignition and a blood red light burst to life before the Jedi's face. Dooku was stalling, he had to be. But he didn't sense any deception from the older man… It didn't make any sense! _What was going on?_ The Council had been so sure of their plan that the Sith Lord would be here with the others… But if Dooku wasn't lying, it meant they'd been wrong. They'd been fooled. Which meant that almost the entire Jedi Order had been led into a trap.

The Jedi lunged toward the Sith with a battle cry loud enough that his teammates would hear above. Regardless of the truth of their presence here, they had their duty to do. Bring down Dooku. Everything else would follow that. Red and blue clashed with an angry hiss over and over again as the enemies thrust and parried at one another, swinging and dodging and grunting with the effort of it. Dooku, despite his age, was exceptionally skilled in combat having trained under Master Yoda. He'd trained Obi-wan's own Master, Qui-gon, and as sweat began to break out on his brow, the Jedi began to feel the Sith knew his every move before he made it.

* * *

"We have to go down there!" Ahsoka whispered. "He needs our help!"

Padme didn't disagree. Obi-wan was a skilled fighter but there was only so much he could do against Dooku alone. "You're right." She reached for her lightsaber and felt her anxiety quell slightly at the cold feeling against her sweating palm. She was safe. Everything was alright. Anakin would be fine. They'd all be together again soon and the war would be over. It was _so close._

"I get to be the one to take the traitor bastard down!" Aayla cried and leapt down from the platform with a small thud. Kit followed immediately after with Ahsoka hot on his heels. Padme swallowed and prepared to move after them when Dorme grasped her shoulder with a worried glance.

"Something isn't right, Padme… I don't know what but something's off about this."

"We don't have time to figure out what right now. They need our help."

"You're right…" She forced a thin smile but didn't meet Padme's eyes. "Just be careful down there."

Padme covered her friend's hand on her shoulder with her own for a moment and nodded. "You too, Dorme." The two women shared small, anxious smiles before pulling apart and following their teammates into the fray below. Padme's feet hit the metallic flooring with a dull thud as her eyes focused on the Sith Lord blocking blows from lightsabers at every angle. Greens and blues clashed with red over and over again so quickly that the colours blended into one frantic haze dancing across the Jedi's vision. An erupting hiss sounded the ignition of her own blade and not a moment later she heard Dorme do the same thing.

Dooku scarcely looked Padme in the eye as she blocked a thrust of his blood-red lightsaber from colliding with Obi-wan's shoulder. The older man peered through her as though their presence meant nothing… As if he was _bored_ by this fight. The thought sent an errant flush of indignation through Padme's chest. _They were taking him down. Today._ Her lightsaber swung harder, her body spun around Dooku's faster as at last the dread that had settled over her mind all day cleared enough to allow her usual focus to sharpen.

Ahsoka fell back with a sharp cry when Dooku's foot slammed into her stomach, sending the girl rolling to the ground with a wince-inducing thud. Her lightsaber bounced and rolled across the dockingbay, perching itself precariously close to the edge of a landing pad and the depths below it. Padme watched her cough and wheeze for a moment before turning back to Dooku. She was alright, just winded. She refocused. Cheap moves like that weren't going to be enough to stop them.

Obi-wan twisted his lightsaber in his wrist, creating a blue circle in the air for a moment before launching himself toward Dooku's legs. Kit kept him distracted with a fierce parry and Padme held her breath. This was it… If Obi-wan could get him down, they could sweep in and make the arrest. The moment he was disarmed, the war was as good as won!

But then Dooku twisted his own lightsaber and stabbed it into the heart of Kit's chest, making the nautolan stumble backwards with a gruesome cry before his legs buckled beneath him at the shock of the wound. Padme was frozen despite Dooku behind her as her friend's body crumpled on the dirty floor with an unmistakable final wheeze. Despite her best efforts, hot angry tears welled into the Jedi's eyes and rolled down her cheeks.

" **Kit**!" Aayla screamed and ran toward their fallen friend, almost dropping her lightsaber in the process. The twi'lek woman fell to her knees beside Kit and carefully rolled him over, shoulders shaking in grief and repressed sobs. Ahsoka had finally pulled herself to her feet and watched the scene in horror, lifting a hand to cover her mouth. No… No, this couldn't be happening… It _couldn't_ be. Jedi died every day in combat but not them… It was _never_ one of their team… They were – this couldn't be…

She felt her body turning before registering the mental command for it to do so. The Jedi snarled toward the Sith whose face retained that same bored expression as if taking Kit's life had been _nothing_ to him. Maybe it was. "You're going to pay for this!" She cried, "Even if it's the _last_ thing I do!"

And then, Dooku's face betrayed some emotion at last. Humour. He laughed darkly to himself making it difficult to keep herself from flying into a rage-filled attack. "I can feel your anger, young one. It's powerful but you let it distract you from your focus. That's a mistake."

She blinked, not understanding the Sith's words until it was too late. Dooku surged toward her before Padme could raise her lightsaber to defend herself and her weapon was knocked from her palm as he lifted his own to her throat, wrapping an arm around her to keep her close. Panic flared through the Jedi. He had her. She'd gotten distracted by grief and now he was going to try to use her life against her heartbroken comrades. No. No! She wouldn't let him! Padme's life was nothing in comparison to ending the war. If she had to die to bring Dooku down, so be it…

Her friends rushed toward the Sith, even Aayla found the strength to leave Kit be for the moment and glared at the older man as his lightsaber hummed inches from her flesh. "It was a valiant fight, my friends," he said, "but it's too late."

"Just take him down!" Padme cried, sinking her nails into the Sith's hand. If he felt the sting, he didn't react and she grit her teeth. "Forget about me!"

"Let her go! _Now_!" Ahsoka demanded more bravely than Padme was sure she really felt. "Surrender yourself, Dooku. It'll be better that way."

The Sith chuckled again. "Nothing is going to make it any better." Even from the distance they stood apart, Padme could see Obi-wan's eyes narrow as Dooku manipulated the Force to produce a holodisk from the pocket of his tunic. It floated to his hand and from her peripheral vision; she could see a bright white light flashing to signal there was a message stored within waiting to be opened. He did just that, pressing down on the button and a blue hologram of a cloaked figure sprang out into the air above.

"Darth Tyranus…" The figure rasped and with a sickening sense of dread Padme realised it was the dark lord they'd been hunting for. If he was able to send Dooku a message, it meant he hadn't been caught and that could only mean two things. He'd defeated the Jedi Master's who'd gone to find him, or he'd never been here at all. Her legs shook beneath her own weight suddenly. It'd all been a trap… They'd been lured into a trap! They weren't going to end the war… All the deaths… Kit… Anakin, wherever he was… It'd all been for _nothing_. "Order 66 has executed."

"What the _hell_ is Order 66?" Dorme spat furiously toward Dooku but she received no answer as the hologram shut itself down once more and the Sith dropped it to the ground with a clatter. The heat from his lightsaber was beginning to make Padme sweat. The despair, confusion and warmth was a sickening combination and she felt her mind spin. She didn't understand! _None_ of this made any sense. How could the Council have been fooled? Were there spies? Traitors in the Order?

The heavy sound of marching boots filled the Jedi's ears from the corridor outside the door. A familiar Force signature swept across her mind as the approaching presence of clone troopers made itself clear. Relief poured through her body as she heard them draw closer. Reinforcements! Yes! With the backup of a few clones, they could end this. Despite herself, a powerful hope that perhaps they were being led by Anakin flared to life in her mind. Maybe that's why he'd taken so long. Gathering up a team of troopers to help them see the mission though could take some time. Her heart quickened in her chest. He was alright… If this was true then it meant he was really alright. _Thank the Force!_

The doors began to peel apart and Padme opened her mouth to speak when a group of twenty or so troopers burst into the room. "I take no joy in this." Dooku beat her to speaking. "Truly, it is a pity. Every drop of Force-sensitive blood spilt is a waste… But the Jedi Order must fall for the galaxy's rebirth."

Suddenly she heard the unmistakable sound of the clone troopers cocking their blasters and snapped her gaze to the left, where the men had entered from and fear began to quake through her body. The clones weren't aiming for Dooku… They were aiming at Dorme, Obi-wan, Aayla and Ahsoka! No, no this wasn't right! There had to be some kind of mistake! Tears anew sprung to Padme's eyes as blaster bolts flew through the air and though her friends attempted to block the plasma with their lightsabers, the terrible inevitable began to happen before her eyes. Obi-wan was hit first, in his shoulder and the shock sent his lightsaber to the ground. There was no time to react, Padme screamed and clawed at Dooku's arm but the older man was stronger and she could only watch as blaster bolt after blaster bolt hit her friend's body.

Dorme screamed as the same happened to her and Padme screwed her eyes shut. She couldn't watch this! Screams and grunts of pain filled her ears, meshing with the rhythmic sound of shots being fired until after what felt like forever, there was silence.

They'd been betrayed. The clones had been turned or controlled or had been made since the beginning to turn on their Jedi Generals… If it had happened here to them, then it was happening _everywhere_. No Jedi was safe. Everyone was… Everyone was being _slaughtered!_ No one would see it coming, especially not the Jedi who trusted their clone battalions as friends, as true comrades…

 _Anakin…_

Padme's eyes flew open in panic as thoughts of her beloved consumed her. _Please be alright. Please be safe!_ The vision of her friend's bodies on the ground tore a wild, breathless cry from the Jedi and Dooku released her, allowing her shaking legs to give in at last. She fell to her knees and wept, wanting to go to them but at the same time desperate to get as far away as possible. At that moment, Padme saw her own end approaching. Dooku wouldn't just let her get away and if she got up the clones were going to take her down just like the others. She trembled and forced a breath into her unwilling lungs at the startling realisation. She wasn't getting out of this dockingbay…

" _I am his."_

" _I am hers."_

" _And he is mine."_

" _And she is mine."_

 _They spoke the vows the holy man recited to one another simultaneously as their fingers laced together by either side of their bodies. It'd all happened so quickly, Padme could scarcely believe they were here in a small lower level church so late in the evening. When Anakin had brought up taking their vows tonight, she'd laughed and scoffed, believing he was joking, but as the seriousness of the question became apparent, Padme realised she didn't want to wait either._

 _They were married now. Husband and wife. She'd never felt so happy in all her life. Anakin pressed his forehead against hers and closed his eyes and Padme followed suit, savouring the moment. It wasn't the most conventional wedding ceremony, not that she'd been to any before but it was theirs and it was perfect. The holy man was certainly surprised when two Jedi appeared at his door asking for an immediate marriage ceremony but had allowed it regardless. Padme was certain she didn't look very much like a bride in her green Jedi tunic and dark trousers but she didn't own a dress and there was no time – or credits for that matter – to find one._

 _She didn't need a dress just like she didn't need a ring. They had each other and their love and that was all that mattered._

 _There was just one sentence and it would be complete, five more words and it was official. She didn't try to contain her joyous smile, especially as Anakin whispered beneath his breath so that only she could hear him. "You're all mine forever now, Naberrie."_

 _She laughed and leaned up just a little to brush the tip of her nose against his. "And you're mine, Skywalker. No backing out now."_

 _Anakin grinned wide and shook his head. "Never."_

 _The holy man finished the final vows of the ceremony and smiled genuinely when pronouncing them man and wife._

"You were lucky." Dooku's voice drifted from behind her, but Padme couldn't pull her eyes away from her friends as more tears came to her eyes. She wanted to fight, to grab her lightsaber and cut the bastard down until he was _nothing_ but a pile of unrecognisable limbs! He deserved to _die_ for this! He and his Master! She wanted to do it more than anything but she was frozen, trapped in her own body by grief and fear. The moment she stood, Dooku's firing squad would take her down and… And… She wasn't _ready_ to die. She wanted to see Anakin again, even just for a moment, just to know he was alright. He had to survive! She believed in him. He was the Order's greatest warrior. He would be okay… _Force, she hoped he was okay._ Padme closed her eyes tight again and took another shuddering breath, longing for her husband more than anything in the Galaxy. "You witnessed the first step toward the rise of the Empire."

Empire? She thought for a moment before the sound of a lightsaber igniting filled her ears. "Alas," Dooku continued, "Jedi have no place in the Empire." A sharp, burning pain tore through Padme's body as the Sith plunged his lightsaber into her back, pulling an agonised scream from her unwilling lips. It only lasted a moment before numbness began to take hold of her slackening body. Her vision blurred and then began to dull. Everything was… Fading… It felt like… Like…

Flashes of their wedding burst through her mind again, of Anakin and their love and one last desperate hope for his safety.

" _I do now pronounce you to be man and wife. 'Till death do you part."_

* * *

The command to withdraw immediately chimed through Anakin's comm and he frowned. He stumbled out of the bunker where nothing but silence and death lingered in his wake. The Jedi Master's stomach lurched dangerously with the thought. Their screams echoed in his ears and likely would do forever. Of course, he'd killed before in self-defence and for the sake of the Republic, but never like this… It _shouldn't_ have been like this… Anakin gripped the corner of the wall until his knuckles became white as a wave of nausea and regret surged through him. Force forgive him because he'd never forgive himself. His lips pressed tightly together and his breath came in tight ragged pants that left him feeling lightheaded. Faintly, Anakin recognised the feeling of a tear on his cheek and reached up to slap it away.

A moment passed and the Jedi Master stood tall once more. He had orders to follow. If Masters Yoda and Windu wanted everyone out, it had to mean his team had taken Dooku down. Maybe Yoda and Windu had even managed to capture the Sith Lord they'd been looking for. The thought stopped Anakin in his tracks. If that were true it meant it was over… It was really over… The thought knocked the breath from his lungs all over again. The danger wasn't over yet but a smile came to the Jedi's mouth. If it was really over, he could tell Padme all about his desire for them to get out and live a peaceful life somewhere. It was so close!

Shaking himself out of it, Anakin refocused his mind. They weren't out of the thick of it yet. These thoughts of his were for later, when they'd made it back to the temple and could be alone together. Before that, he had to gather up his team. His head raced. Where had they said Dooku was? Dockingbay, that was right. The Jedi took off running toward the direction he remembered it being from the mission debriefings and building maps.

As he drew closer to the dockingbay, Anakin stumbled onto the bodies of several Knights he knew in passing from missions he'd assisted in and pursed his lips. Blaster bolt markings littered their bodies and he muttered a quiet Huttese prayer above them. Battle droids must have made it inside… That wasn't good. Moving on, Anakin began the descent of the stairway that brought him into the dockingbay and froze in the doorway.

Three clone troopers were huddled together, helmets off and whispering quietly to each other. Their heads were hung low and their shoulders sagged heavily. Something was wrong. Anakin's eyes took a quick scan of the room but couldn't see anything amiss. But there was something, something just beyond the legs of the troopers… If he could just see… Squaring his shoulders, Anakin stepped into the hanger and unclipped his lightsaber.

"What's going on here?" He demanded, drawing the trooper's attention. He recognised one of them as Commander Cody and narrowed his eyes. Cody wasn't supposed to be here – he'd been stationed on the outside with Rex and the others. What was happening?

The three men shared a look before Cody stepped forward, slipping his helmet over his head. "I'm sorry, sir." He said and Anakin's jaw slackened when all three pointed their blasters in his direction. What the hell was going on…? They were traitors? The bodies of the Knights flashed before his eyes and anger began to replace the shock he felt.

His thumb moved quickly and his lightsaber burst to life with a flash of blue plasma. Part of the General understood he should take at least one of them alive to answer for their crimes but the _anger_ clouded his mind faster than logic could keep up with. They'd killed _good_ Jedi today! People who only wanted to end the war! Anakin's teeth grit together in an animalistic snarl as he thrust his blade into the first traitor's chest and then blocked the frantic shower of blaster bolts that came flying his way from the second. When he was close enough one swing was all it took to separate his helmeted head from his shoulders, both pieces of him landing on the floor with a dull _thud._ Cody was next. Vaguely Anakin heard the man's voice but no part of him was listening. There was a scream as the Jedi Master slashed through the traitor's body and watched him fall expressionlessly.

That's when he saw Kit.

His comrade lay motionlessly on the floor on his back, wide black eyes staring lifelessly at the ceiling. Anakin's own eyes widened. _No..._ No, he couldn't be… A large hole in the man's chest revealed exactly where Dooku had caught him. The frayed edges of his tabard were burned and singed there the Sith's lightsaber had burned through the material. Anakin swallowed down his grief for now and looked around a little more, walking past a large cargo freighter, inwardly hopeful. Just because Kit was… That didn't mean the others were… They were fine. Padme was fine. The order to withdraw had come, that _had_ to mean everything had gone smoothly. Dooku _had to_ be in custody.

Obi-wan caught his eye first, or more accurately, his arm did. It lay limp and lifeless on the ground, turned up the way so that his slightly clenched palm faced the high ceiling. His eyes were closed but even from where he stood Anakin knew his friend was dead. Aayla lay next to him on her front, blaster bolt holes marring her entire back. Shaking, Anakin forced himself to move closer. He _had_ to know. Ahsoka was curled up just to the left of Aayla and Anakin had to choke back a cry at the sight. _She was so young…_ Beside her lay Dorme whose shoulder and stomach had the same circular holes burned into them as the others… Blaster bolts. Had Cody and the others really done this too? Were they working _with_ Dooku?

He turned, terrified of what he may find next but too numb to not continue on. Further to the left, between the generous space between two transports, lay Padme. Anakin's stomach dropped and his frozen body jolted to action. He ran as fast as his legs could carry him. No, no, no… Force no! She wasn't. She _couldn't_ be! He would have known, he would have _felt_ it if…

She lay on her front and Anakin didn't have to move her to see what had happened. She had the same lightsaber marking on her back as Kit had in his chest. She'd been… She was… Anakin's knees gave in suddenly as he came to her side. He fell to the ground and carefully eased her body onto her back. He stared down at his lover, his _wife's_ blank eyes and felt a primal roar of anguish tear its way out of his lips.

His trembling hands carefully pulled Padme into his arms as twin tears fell from the corners of his eyes. He'd heard her voice over the comm earlier… She'd been fine… He expected to meet back up with her after the mission and explain why he'd done what he did. Now she'd never know. Anakin pulled her closer and pressed his lips to her cheek, feeling the cooling, soft skin beneath his own. His fingers sifted through her curly hair and felt his throat tighten.

If he'd just let the Separatists go… _Force help him,_ it was his fault. He'd followed Yoda and Windu's orders and now they were all gone. He should have been here! If he couldn't save them at least he would have gotten to die with her. _All_ Anakin wanted to do was scream and cry and tear every piece of this dockingbay apart until there was nothing but scraps left over but he couldn't. Dooku was still out there and he had to find him. He had to make him _pay_ for this.

Anakin's blue eyes stared down into Padme's brown ones and shook his head, letting the tears fall silently. He wanted to beg her to come back to him, plead with the Force to bring her back for any price at all but it was too late. They were supposed to have the rest of their lives together… He'd wanted them to get out of this life! Live somewhere _peaceful_ and be happy. It was all gone. Those dreams were _ashes_ around him and Anakin didn't know what to do.

"I…" He tried to steady his voice. "Padme, I…" What could he say? How sorry he was? How he wished he could turn back time and make a different choice? He'd give his own life without hesitation to bring her back. "I can't mourn for you the way I want to right now. Dooku's still around here somewhere… I'm going to find him so this… So your death _means_ something. I _promise_ you _._ " Anakin couldn't push words past the lump in his throat for a moment and simply pressed his forehead against Padme's, running his hand through her hair. "I'm going to avenge you. _All_ of you. And then… If everything they teach us as younglings is right and there's an afterlife, I'll meet you there someday."

Footsteps drew the Jedi's attention ahead where Dooku emerged from behind the cargo freighter slowly. His cold dark eyes looked at Anakin without emotion, without _regret_. "You did this!" He hissed, rising to his feet. The Sith Lord nodded once and took a step back as Anakin reached for his lightsaber again. _Screw_ taking him alive. He was going to cut him limb from limb! The General saw red. A darkness deep inside him screamed to take his revenge and avenge his team's deaths. It wanted Anakin to strangle the old man with his bare hands. He wanted that too.

"The Jedi Order has fallen, Skywalker," Dooku spoke evenly even as Anakin stormed toward him, reaching for the switch of his lightsaber. "And though it would have been an honour to lose to you, that's now how today ends." The Sith quickly produced a purple tablet and placed it in his mouth, pale throat bobbing as he swallowed. Within moments, the man's eyes rolled back into his head and he collapsed to the floor. Anakin moved faster, dropping his lightsaber on the ground in his haste.

When he reached the Sith, he fisted the dark tunic he wore and shook him. "What did you do? What the _fuck_ did you do?!" The Jedi shouted and smacked the older man across the face. It had no effect. He placed two fingers on Dooku's pulse and felt it beating strongly beneath his skin. So he hadn't poisoned himself… So _what_ did he do? "You son of a bitch!" Anakin hissed and let his knuckles collide hard with Dooku's face. "Wake up!"

" _Anakin…"_ A weak female voice caught his attention enough to spare the unconscious Sith's face another blow. Was that…? For one hopeful moment, he considered that the voice belonged to Padme until from the corner of his eye, the Jedi saw Ahsoka's arm move from where she lay. He dropped Dooku to the floor and raced toward the young girl. She was alive? She was alive! Carefully, Anakin helped the girl to sit up, wincing when she cried out at the pain of it. " _Anakin_ ," she said again, stronger this time but still quiet. "It hurts…"

"I know, Snips." He felt a violent tremble of relief in his whole body. "You're alright. Okay? I'm going to make sure you're alright."

"Where… Where is everyone?" She whimpered and the Jedi pulled back to look at the girl. Hurt and regret battled for dominance in his chest. How could he tell her? He hadn't accepted the truth himself yet.

"Just keep your eyes closed, Snips, it's gonna be okay."

He needed to get her out of here and to the nearest medic. If her wounds went untreated it wouldn't be good. Anakin began to ease himself to his feet when a small grunt broke the tense silence and the Jedi froze for a moment. It happened again and it _definitely_ wasn't Ahsoka. His head snapped down to see Dorme sitting up with a pained grunt. Her hand covered her shoulder where she'd been hit while the other hovered over the second wound on her stomach, both of them were shaking. She coughed and then turned her head as blood trickled out of her mouth.

"I – I…" The woman started but trailed off with a whimper.

She was worse off than Ahsoka, there wasn't time for talking. They needed medical attention _now._ Anakin stood up and hauled Dorme over his shoulder, wincing as she cried out and pulled Ahsoka up with his spare him, holding her to his waist. It wasn't going to comfortable but it was faster than two trips. He _was not_ going to risk losing them too. It was a miracle they were still here in the first place. The Jedi looked back over his shoulder to where Padme lay and hesitated. The thought of leaving her here disgusted him… But what other choice did he have? It was just for a little while; he'd be back for her and Obi-wan, Aayla and Kit the _second_ he saw that Ahsoka and Dorme were being treated by medics. So long as Dooku stayed in his sleep, he'd gather everyone up with a little help and they could get off this damned planet.

He wanted to be alone with Padme. There were things he needed to… Damnit! His eyes prickled with tears again but the Jedi blinked them away. He had to focus. Dorme and Ahsoka needed his help. Quickly as he could, Anakin made his way out of the base and toward the first military transport he saw. Bodies and pieces of battle droids were scattered everywhere and he stepped as carefully as he could to avoid running over anyone.

"Master Skywalker!" One of the medics inside the ship cried when he burst into the medical bay but quickly jumped to attention when he breathlessly explained Ahsoka and Dorme's conditions. Three others carefully eased the women out of his grasp and onto the medical benches that hovered in the air. Anakin lingered in the doorway, unwilling to leave them alone but forced himself out. The medics would take good care of them.

A small group of Jedi were huddled together in the corner of the bridge, shaken and bleeding but Anakin's presence made them stand straight. "Go to the dockingbay of the base, there are four…" His voice grew thick as a lump gathered tightly in his throat. "Four bodies… They need to be brought onboard before we leave."

"Sir!" The Knights nodded and rushed off. The pilot's seat called to Anakin for a moment and he wanted nothing more than to collapse into it and let his emotions run free. But he couldn't. Not yet. Not until they pulled Dooku out of whatever cowardly sleep he'd put himself into… _Rat bastard._ With the Sith in mind, the Jedi Master turned on his heel toward the dockingbay after the Knights. Someone had to drag the coward on-board; it may as well be him.

* * *

Anakin was still missing much of the information about exactly what had happened by the time they reached Coruscant again, but he'd gathered the gist of it. The clone troopers had turned on the Jedi. The combined attacks of battle droids and clones were too much for most of the Jedi who'd suffered the attack. The numbers weren't known quite yet, but the Order had lost too many to recover from this day.

There were private shuttles awaiting their return to transport them back to the temple but Anakin opted to walk. He needed to clear his head before he saw her again. They'd had so little time together. He'd known her two years altogether now and they're romantic relationship had taken up just one of those years. It wasn't enough. It would _never_ be enough. He was afraid of returning to his quarters… _Their_ quarters. The hurt was too raw, too fresh to see Padme's things mixed with his own.

The walk took an hour but it was the fastest hour of Anakin's life. All too soon he saw the high towers of the temple looming above as he approached the gate. The Jedi bit down on his lip and forced himself to keep walking. He didn't want to go but what other choice was there? He wanted to see Padme again and say a proper goodbye. He wanted to be alone with her and begin to mourn. Mourn for her and the life they'd been _so close_ to sharing. His fingers carefully traced the naked finger where technically a ring should sit. He'd wanted to get her a ring, truly, and wished with a dull ache in his heart that he'd been able to.

It wasn't just Padme either. Obi-wan… He was gone. His friend, his _brother_ … How was he supposed to go on without their bickering? Without his sage advice? He was going to put Obi-wan forward for Mastery! They were never going to share a laugh about idiotic battle droids again, he'd never make the old man queasy with his fast flying or plan pranks on him with Ahsoka. Kit and Aayla too… His _team_. His friends. They were just gone. It was unfair. How could they be gone while Anakin was still here? After what he'd done… Where was the justice in that?

A figure lingered by the gate, a man in civilian clothes Anakin didn't recognise. If it was one of those holo-net news journalists who'd caught a whiff of a story, the Jedi couldn't be responsible for his actions… As he came closer, the man's face seemed to brighten and he stood straighter. "Oh! Um, hello, son. Well, General. Jedi Master… I'm sorry; I'm not sure exactly what you people like to be called."

Anakin's eyes narrowed as he typed the key code into the gate to avoid calling for the gatekeeper. The less people he had to see, the better. "What do you want?"

"Well, you _are_ Anakin Skywalker, right?" The man asked. He was older with greying dark hair and a slightly rounded stomach but his eyes were warm and his smile might have been contagious if times had been different. He didn't sense any ill will from the man so lingered a moment despite the gate opening to allow him to escape from the conversation.

"Yes…" He nodded and the man's smile grew wider still.

"Wonderful! I recognised your face from the holo-net news! I heard you'd returned from some mission today and thought this would be our best chance." He held out his hand for Anakin to shake. "I'm Ruwee Naberrie. Padme's father. You see, she and our family have been conversing through letters lately and being on your team she's kept so busy that we thought we'd fly to Coruscant to meet her here. I was wondering if you would perhaps send her down?"

What little colour the Jedi had retained in his face drained. Padme's father was here? Her family? She'd mentioned writing to them more than once, and he'd known she wanted to meet them. He'd never imagined they would have come here. Especially now. His teeth sunk down hard into his lip to keep it from trembling. Somehow, he found the strength to shake the man's – his father in law, he supposed – hand. He hadn't had any time to think about what happened, to process it himself… _How_ was he supposed to break to Ruwee?

"Mr Naberrie, I think you should come inside with me."

* * *

By the time the distraught Naberrie patriarch left the Jedi temple with tears staining his pale cheeks, Anakin was exhausted. Everything was too raw and it was hitting him from all sides. He hadn't had a _moment_ to just… His body ached and it was a struggle to keep his legs moving. People gave the Jedi General sympathetic looks as he passed them and it took everything Anakin had not to glare back. Why were they pitying _him_? He was still fucking _here_!

Finally, the Jedi made it to his quarters and slammed down upon the receiver to ensure the door was locked. He couldn't think of anything worse than visitors right now. The moment they sealed themselves shut, he leaned heavily upon the cold durasteel and clenched his eyes shut. Suddenly everything felt like it'd happened _years_ ago not hours. Everything felt distant and blurred, like a nightmare he was going to wake up from any moment.

 _Force, please wake him up._

Despite his eyes being closed, Anakin felt them begin to burn beneath the lids as unwanted tears began to build up. He wasn't going to wake up. It was all real. The Jedi quickly shoved his long cloak off his shoulders and let it fall to the ground without a thought. Opening his eyes and looking around the room filled him with dread. _Everywhere_ he looked held a reminder of Padme. Her own spare cloak was slung over one of his chairs, the ties she used to hold back her hair on the bedside table along with a holo-image of the team that'd been taken by a reporter from the holo-net news that she'd decided to keep. Anakin felt compelled to step toward it now and lifted the small frame with a trembling hand.

Everyone was smiling in a way that probably seemed unprofessional, enjoying the moment, standing close with Anakin in the forefront. Obi-wan was to his left and Aayla to his right. Ahsoka stood a little in front to avoid being hidden because of her lack of height with Dorme and Padme just behind. He ran his thumb across her angelic face, so light and happy despite the war and the times they lived in. If he remembered correctly, this had been taken just days before he'd kissed her while scouting the potential Separatist base.

His lip trembled. His eyes burned and his vision blurred.

How could they just be _gone_? Anakin had seen so many people die in his life but had only ever really _felt_ the loss of his mother before now. They were his friends… His real family. And Dooku had taken them from him! Suddenly the drowning agony of sadness was dried up and replaced with a hot fiery wave of sheer rage. It was unfair! _He_ was the murderer. He was the one who'd taken lives and yet it was his friends, his _wife_ who lost their own.

He couldn't take it. The anger was a familiar presence he hadn't felt in years but it was so easy to let it take over all over again and Anakin didn't fight it. He didn't want to. Without thought, the Jedi threw the holo-image across the room and heard it shatter against the wall. His power swelled beneath his veins and he felt the room tremble slightly as the rage took control. He kicked and threw and flipped furniture in protest against the _injustice_ of their deaths, in _Padme's_ death. How was it fair for the damned galaxy to let him know her, let him _love_ her and know she loved him too if it planned to just rip her away?

He _hated_ everything. The Order, the Senate, the Separatists, Anakin hated them all equally suddenly. It was _their_ fault there was a damn war to be fought in the beginning! If they could just solve their petty squabbles without violence she'd still be here! They could be free!

The Jedi roared in grief and then collapsed to the floor with a sob.

Vaguely, he heard the sound of transparisteel shattering and understood it had to be his window but couldn't find the desire or strength to look up and see. The first sob brought forth another and then another until Anakin found himself weeping on the floor surrounded by the chaos of his own making.

* * *

Master Skywalker stood at the transparisteel windows glaring out at the sunset as Master's Yoda and Windu talked quietly about the failures of the mission. Ahsoka didn't listen to anything they said, though she knew she should. Her mind was too focused on Anakin. He wasn't listening either. Or at least, he didn't look like he was. No one could blame him for that – no one who _knew_ anyway. That sure wasn't a lot of people. The young Jedi's heart ached at the sight of her older friend and she grit her teeth. She could still hear Obi-wan chastising them for being too rash in training, hear Aayla's laughter, see Kit's smug grin and Padme… The girl closed her eyes tightly, willing herself not to cry. Her friends… Their _team_ … There was only Ahsoka and Dorme now. And Anakin. She wasn't sure where things went from here. Both she and Dorme were still on medical leave a few weeks after the mission and there was no set date for their return. The Jedi Master still had deep and dark circles beneath his eyes that spoke of how little he'd been sleeping. Ahsoka couldn't blame him for that either. She'd barely slept a wink since waking up in the medbay of the temple. Every time she closed her eyes, _all_ she could see was the clones aiming their blasters and preparing to fire.

There'd been a mass funeral for the fallen but it'd been impersonal and hollow. Everyone had known it.

Ahsoka still wondered every now and again exactly what Anakin had told Padme's father after Dorme told her what happened. She hadn't had the heart to ask him how it went, imagining it must have been painful.

"So now what?" Anakin asked suddenly and the other two Master's stopped talking. He turned away from the window to meet their eyes blankly and Ahsoka tensed. "My team are dead, Sidious and Grievous are still out there, the Order can barely muster up enough Jedi for a single battalion anymore and the war isn't _any_ closer to ending. So what happens now?"

He wasn't wrong, Ahsoka had wondered about this herself. The failure of the mission had given Chancellor Palpatine all he needed to turn much of the Senate against the Jedi. They weren't revered as warriors and peacekeepers anymore but wastes of resources. She didn't see how they could keep fighting the war like this. The absolute barrenness of Anakin's face fell away when a small, distant smile stretched across Mace Windu's lips. Ahsoka almost fell backwards at the sight. She'd never seen the man smile in _all_ her years as a Jedi; she hadn't really thought he was capable. But now he was smiling. Not a full smile, albeit, but a smile nonetheless. Why? Why now? She didn't see what there was to smile about and it seemed Anakin felt the same.

"What the hell are _you_ smiling about?"

Anakin's voice dragged Master Windu from his apparently pleasant thoughts with a start. The older man shook his head and glanced toward the windows beyond Anakin where the Senate Rotunda basked in the dying sunlight. "We've suffered great losses in the battle of Geonosis. But with the Separatist Generals we've captured thus far and Count Dooku in our custody, it seems, at least to me, that the Jedi Order has taken a step toward the truth of Darth Sidious and truly ending this war."

Ahsoka frowned and tried not to balk. Dooku was locked deep inside a self-inflicted coma and so far not even the Jedi's best medics had been able to force him awake. Whatever he'd taken was something they'd never seen before. No one was sure _if_ he'd ever wake up. There was a chance he never could. And the Separatist Generals they'd captured were nothing but lackeys. They knew nothing about Darth Sidious. He was too smart for that. But, if Mace Windu of all people had hope… Then maybe he was right… Maybe they _were_ on the right path at last. Despite her misgivings, an unwilling spark of just that, of _hope_ came to life within the young Jedi. The war wasn't over yet, but the Republic would prevail in spite of all the losses they'd endured, she believed that.

"Just one step?" Anakin grumbled angrily, "Everything we've done and everyone we lost amounts to one step?" He stole a shaking breath and turned back to the window again. Ahsoka could feel the anger radiating off his Force signature in waves. No doubt the others could too. "If we keep going at this pace, we'll run out of Jedi before we get anywhere close to ending the war."

"Come at a price, these things do," Yoda spoke gravely.

"It may not feel like it now, Anakin," it was Windu's turn again, "but one day we _will_ destroy Darth Sidious and we will end this war."

"For nothing," Yoda nodded to himself, "the sacrifices were not."

* * *

Despite being warned not to by several members of the Council after their meeting, Anakin found himself stalking inside the guarded medical chamber where Dooku rested, trapped in his coma. No one was around so he stared at the Sith Lord without blinking, barely daring to breathe in case it roused the fury bubbling beneath the surface of his skin. A few moments afterwards, Anakin heard the door open and quiet footsteps enter the room. He sensed Dorme's Force signature and didn't bother to turn and greet her.

Without thinking, the Jedi Master darted forward and grabbed the black cloth of the older man's shirt, fisting it tightly and tugging, forcing his unconscious body off the bench and closer to his snarling face. "You'll come out of this one day." He hissed. "And when you do, you'd better hope I'm not around anymore…" As quickly as Anakin had grabbed the Count, he released him again, letting his body flop back onto the medical bench with an ungraceful thud.

His shoulders tensed when he felt Dorme's hand gently touch his shoulder. When he looked at her, the woman shook her head with a watery smile, speaking before Anakin had the chance. "I know… _Don't touch me._ "

Any other time, he might have said just that. He _had_ said it countless times before but now… Her presence was soothing. Dorme had become a constant in a galaxy full of risk and changes. The General was surprised at the comfort he found in her small touch. He didn't dare voice this, however, and looked back down to the Sith Lord.

"I don't mind actually."

"What's in the bag?" Dorme asked quietly and Anakin followed her eyes to where they'd settled on the small luggage carrier he'd set aside. Just looking at it sent a dull ache through his heart. He'd hoped she wouldn't notice it.

"Some of… _All_ of Padme's things."

She blinked twice. "Why are they packed up?"

Anakin sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose before answering. This wasn't something he wanted to talk about right now, but there was no getting out of it. "Her family are still on-planet. Since they couldn't attend the funeral, they asked for some of Padme's things. There wasn't much, obviously, so I just packed it all." He cut himself off, choking down the _hurt_ and regret the words brought on. He'd followed his orders and done the right thing, Anakin could see that now, but he'd never forgive himself for it either.

"What? Anakin, no!" Dorme cried. "They may be her family, but only biologically! They didn't know her. She was _your_ wife! You don't have to give them anything."

"They don't know that." He muttered despondently. "She's not here anymore so there's no point in telling them now."

"I think you're making a mistake," Dorme whispered.

"I've made plenty already. One more can't hurt much worse."

Both Jedi were quiet for a while, each lost to their own thoughts and feelings as they grieved for all they'd lost. Eventually, it was Dorme who broke the silence between them, rubbing Anakin's shoulder softly in a way he guessed was supposed to be comforting. "What are you thinking about?"

His eyes didn't leave Dooku's peaceful face. "What do you _think_ I'm thinking about, Dorme?"

"I think you're thinking of all the ways you can kill Dooku when he wakes up." She wasn't wrong and he gave an approving grunt. "Or maybe you're thinking about just killing him now and getting it over with."

At that, the Jedi laughed mirthlessly. "If I did that, I'd be signing my own arrest warrant."

"Who cares?" Dorme argued. "If you'd let me get my hands on him…" She trailed off with a shudder, "I'd make sure every single moment was painful – even with the unconsciousness." He sensed her grief and anger mixing with a hatred the Order schooled against. If Master Yoda were here, he'd lecture them both on the path to the dark side.

"You're taking this too personally, Dorme." He said instead though the warning tasted bitter in his mouth.

Anakin felt her stiffen beside him and closed his eyes for a moment.

"Too _personally_?" She repeated disbelievingly. "I'm taking this too personally? And you aren't?! Dooku _made_ this personal, General! He killed our friends and comrades and has been doing it for _years_. With every Jedi that's fallen in this war, _he_ made it personal."

Anakin didn't disagree with her words, not even slightly. He'd do _anything_ to slice the Sith up with his lightsaber, preferably _after_ he'd woken up and was fully aware of what was happening. But they were Jedi. Soldiers. The war was still on and so was their mission. That's what they had to focus on now. _That's_ what Anakin had to force himself to focus on now… If he gave into his grief… He'd be lost. It would consume him whole and sink his soul into a blackness it'd never escape from. Padme wouldn't want that. _No one_ in his team wouldn't have wanted that.

At last, Dorme spoke again. "Fine. Well, whatever you decide to do, I'm by your side. _Always."_ Her fingers slipped into Anakin's and the action sent a sharp _throb_ of hurt through his chest. Her hand wasn't Padme's. He'd never feel Padme's hand in his again. But she was trying to be comforting and despite the pain, Anakin appreciated the gesture.

"What if Master Yoda doesn't support my decisions?" He asked quietly.

Dorme paused for a moment, thinking. " _Especially_ if Yoda doesn't agree."

"Why?"

"Maybe it's wrong… But I blame him. He ordered you to go off on your own… If he hadn't, then maybe –"

"I _know_ that, believe me." He snapped and felt her stiffen again. "You know Yoda thinks before giving an order. If he'd known…" Anakin trailed off, throat tightening as the faces of his fallen team flashed before his eyes.

Dorme sniffled though he sensed her upset wasn't from his words. "It's just not fair! How can he be here sleeping peacefully as if _nothing_ has happened when they're… When _Padme_ is…" She wiped at her eyes with her free hand and cleared her throat. "I'm sorry, Anakin. I didn't mean to upset you."

"It's not your fault." He gave her hand a small squeeze. "Just don't talk about the what ifs… Believe me; I know when all well enough."

"Of course." She nodded. "Just remember that no matter what happens, Ahsoka and I are on your side." Dorme released his hand and stepped away then and Anakin heard her exit the room just as quietly as she'd entered. Maybe she was right… Maybe he _should_ give into his anger and punish the Sith. That's what the Chancellor had encouraged during their last meeting. His cold blue eyes looked down at the man who'd destroyed his happiness, who'd burned his world to _ashes_ and grit his teeth.

"I'll be here when you wake up, Dooku." He said again. "That's a promise."


End file.
